Christmas Cards

Christmas time is the only time I look forward to receiving mail.  Eleven months out of the year all I seem to get are bills and junk mail, but for one magical month, the mail is FUN.  I love receiving Christmas cards from friends and family and seeing how their families have grown and changed over the year. I also like to keep the cards for the year and pray over one of the families each week.  Then the next year I set those cards aside and begin again with the new cards I’ve received. 

About ten years ago I decided to start sending Christmas cards with pictures of our family on them.  We always sign the card from Karl, Laurel and the boys.  The first year I did it my grandfather called me in a full on panic thinking that Karl and me were crazy enough to adopt seven teenage boys.  I explained to him that we didn’t actually adopt them but we do consider them our own.  Each of those sweet boys over the years holds a special place in our hearts.  They are our family and our boys. 

Throughout the years, just like family dinners the upperclassmen teach the younger ones about family photos.  We do them twice a year, once on media day and then once during the season after a game.  The after game one seems to be the one we use for our Christmas card.  The boys line up and ask if this is the Christmas card picture.  If I say yes, then all of the sudden the uniforms get fixed, the hair gets a little straighter and the smiles get bigger.  It’s fun to see them so excited over the family Christmas card.

One year our team was marching through the playoffs and I just knew we were going to make it all the way to the state championship so I held off on the photo.  We lost in the quarter-finals on the last play of the game and there I stood with no photo.  I put a picture of just Karl and I on the card and boy did I hear about it. I got calls and comments from everyone about the boys not being on the card.  It had become a tradition and I messed it up.  Now I take the photo during the regular season just in case I need it. But, know that when we do make it to the state championship, I’ll be sending out New Year’s cards instead of Christmas cards.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, 

which is Christ the Lord.

Luke 2:11

From our family to yours Merry Christmas!

Cheering you on,
Laurel

The Last Supper a.k.a. Family Dinner

Each December when the season ends we have our boys over for dinner.  The rules are you must play safety and you must be on varsity.  This may sound harsh but for our boys it’s a goal.  They aim to play safety on the varsity level and they look forward to dinner at our house.  I was once asked by another player how come his brother got to come to dinner and he never did.  I said “Daniel, it’s simple. You play corner and Jacob plays safety. Therefore, he gets to come and you don’t.”  He laughed and said, yeah, you’re right.

At dinner, the menu never seems to vary.  I let the seniors vote and each time they vote for the same meal: poppy seed chicken, green bean bundles, scalloped potatoes and sopapilla cheesecake for dessert. I tell the boys that I can cook other things and that I’m actually a pretty good cook.  Each time I’m met with “Why Mrs. Pointer, why would you make something else, why?” I laugh and say okay. You want it. You got it.

On Tuesday night we held the annual end of season dinner.  Eight boys eagerly arrived at my house. They arrived with presents in hand including flowers, a sweet little nativity and a football ornament for the Christmas tree.  I love when they bring the flowers.  I really loved when Chris, a senior, turned to one of the juniors and reminded him that next year he was to arrive with flowers when they came to dinner.  These boys have been trained well by their mothers. They are all so polite and so sweet and I look forward to having them in our home.

Dinner on Tuesday had me laughing from the moment they lined up to fill their plates.  Two of the seniors were first in line and they helped themselves to servings that could feed three or four normal people.  I asked why they were taking so much and they replied because it’s our last supper.  I tried to explain that they were just graduating and not dying but I was met with some resistance. One of the sophomores offered up that they could simply come home after finals in college and join us again for dinner.  At that rate I’ll be making poppy seed chicken for 20 plus. 

One player that graduated several years ago still asks about the “life changing” green beans when he is home on break.  I love cooking for these boys. Even the pickiest kid I’ve ever met seems to find enough to eat at this dinner.  As he was going through the line I could hear the boy behind him saying “Just try it.  If you don’t like it, I’ll eat yours and mine both.”  He ate most of it without help from his neighbor.  These boys make me feel like I’m the world’s greatest chef and all I’m doing is making chicken and green beans.

The dinner conversation always includes breaking down the past season and looking forward to next year.  The seniors start referring to the other boys as “y’all” and “next year’s team.”  I try to remind them that once a Cowboy always a Cowboy (or wherever we are at the time) and they quickly remind me that to talk in the present as “we” makes them sad. Once again I say, you’re graduating not dying and I’m met again with “this is our last supper.”

I love these boys and as I watch them grow up and graduate I too, get a little sad. But I always remind them that it’s still family dinner and not their last supper.  They will always be our boys. They will always be family and they are always welcome for family dinner.  It’s never really their last supper.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

When it all Suddenly Stops

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post.  It’s taken that long to let the events all sink in and get to a point where I could express it all.  Two weeks ago today we were in AT&T Stadium (Cowboys Stadium) and we were within moments of a huge victory.  We went into the game as the underdogs to most of the world, but our team and coaches knew we could win it.  We knew that this was our year and that we were going to march our way to the state championship.

We were less than 40 seconds away from upsetting the team that had knocked us out of the playoffs the previous year.  We could smell victory. Our fans were ecstatic and there was a hush on the other side of the field.  Then it happened.  The tide shifted and they scored with just seconds to go to take the lead. We lost by four points.  We stood there numb and speechless and there was nothing we could do.  We couldn't even get to our coaches and our boys and console them or hug them.  The next two teams were already taking the field for their game.  We simply had to wave from the stands and try to express our love and consolation as we were asked to exit so the next set of fans could come into the stands.

By the time my coach got home. He was tired, frustrated and still in a bit of shock. You see, we had been this close before just a couple of years ago and literally lost on the last play of the game.  Here we sat revisiting that moment all over again.  It seemed surreal, but yet, that’s part of football.  It only takes a second to change everything.  We managed to go to dinner but there was little conversation. There wasn't a lot you could say other than I’m sorry.  My coach scrolled through the Twitter feed of the game to analyze every play.  He spent time texting his players to make sure they were okay and to let them know how much he loved and respected each and every one of them.  We both received texts from players and parents and we responded back to them.  It was the best way to start the recovery process from the pain and frustration we were feeling.

If you’re reading this and questioning the words recovery and pain, you’re not alone and you’re probably not that tied into sports.  If you understand those words then you get it. You understand what it means the season to just suddenly stop.  You get that there is a void in your week where practice should be. Your coach is now home way earlier than is to be expected at night and that your life as you've known it for the past few months, suddenly and without notice takes a different shift.

Throughout the past couple of weeks several friends and community members have remarked to us that we must be “relieved that the season is over” or that I must be “excited that my coach is home.”  Neither could be further from the truth.  My coach and I both try to explain, that no we are not happy or relieved.  We were stopped short of our goal. We are going to miss time with our seniors and our players.  All we wanted for Christmas was a state championship.  I tried to explain to one friend when he said “you must be relieved that it’s all over”, that in his world that would be me like me saying to him, “you must be relieved that you almost closed that deal, but you didn't quite make it and your competing vendor won the contract .”  He just looked at me like I was a bit crazy.

So it’s been a couple of weeks and playoffs are going on without us. We are now cheering on our friends and fellow coaches that are still in the hunt for that state championship. We are also still working on letting the pain and frustration of a season stopped short go away. The Christmas decorations are up and the world is continuing to move ahead. My coach has already started the conversations with his head coach and other coaches about personnel for next season and what off-season has in store for them.  Life moves and so must we. Our boys are coming to dinner this week and I can’t wait to have them all around my dining room table as we talk and laugh about the past season. I’m excited to hear their perspective on the season.  I’m also sad that it will be the last time we gather with this group of seniors as part of our family, but more on that next week.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Thankful

Over the past several weeks I’ve watched many of my friends post on Facebook each day all of the things that they are thankful for. Rather than posting daily I’ve been saving all my things up for one big list.

First and foremost I’m thankful to be a child of God. He loves me even when I’m not loveable and loves me so much that he sent his one and only son to die an awful death on the cross for me and forgive me of all of my sins that one day I can live eternally with him in heaven.  I’m thankful for his grace, love and mercy. I’m thankful that he walks with me each and every day of my life and that there is no circumstance that he won’t be there to walk, guide or carry me through.

I’m thankful for my parents who loved me enough to teach me the love and grace of my Savior and brought me up as a child of God. They provided a loving and caring home and provided me with a great Christian based education all the way from kindergarten through college. They loved me, invested in me, and didn’t kill me when I probably needed killing (most likely 7-12 grades). The raised me to be independent, to think on my own, to be gracious loving and kind to all those that I meet. They were and ARE great role models and I’m blessed to have them as my parents.

I’m thankful that the Lord gave me the most incredible husband that any girl could dream of having. I’m thankful that the Lord picked him out for me and saved him for me and then placed us both in just the right place at just the right time so that we could meet.  My coach is my balance and is absolutely perfect for me. He loves me like no one else can. He can make me laugh and he can bring me back to reality when my imagination gets the best of me. He shares my hopes, my dreams, and my frustrations, my love for all things Disney. He’s great about bringing out my silly side and helping me to just relax and have a little fun.  All of these things are great, but most importantly he shares my faith.  He loves the Lord with all of his heart, soul and mind and he strives daily to walk him.  

I’m thankful for how the Lord always places me in just the right place and just the right time so that I can meet some of the most amazing people who have played some major roles in my life.  These people have been a blessing throughout my life and taught me things every step of the way.   My friends have loved me and supported me. They pick me up and dust me off and encourage me. When I lose my way, they redirect me and set me back on the right path. They invest in me.

I’m thankful that for the incredible jobs that I have had that have been beyond my wildest dreams. I never dreamed of working for NASA or the White House but I’ve been blessed to do both. I never dreamed of working for one of the largest breast cancer organizations in the world, but I do and I’m blessed every day by it.

I’m thankful to be the wife of a coach. I’m blessed to be able to watch my husband do his job and I get to see him put his passion into play each and every day. I’m blessed to be a part of the lives of so many young men and women and help invest in them. I’m thankful that they become a part of our family and that we become a part of theirs. I'm also thankful that our relationships with them continue long after high school.  

I’m blessed to get to know and love coaching families from all over the state of Texas. I’m thankful to know so many incredible coaches wives who love their husbands and their jobs as much as I do. I’m thankful that some of these women have become lifelong friends and that I am a better person for knowing them.

Today I’m thankful that we are still in the playoffs and that our team gets to put it all out there on the field at least one more time this afternoon.  Today with the weather we are having I’m thankful that we are able to play in an enclosed stadium that keeps us out of the cold and rain.  

Time to get dressed and go cheer on my coach and his team!

Blessings,
Laurel

Holidays + Playoffs = Flexibility

It’s high school football playoff time in Texas.  There’s a chance to play at least 6 more weeks of football and to win that state championship.  It’s also a time when the family schedule can no longer be planned for more than one week at a time.  If you’re married to the coach you understand this fact and you just plan around it.  You get used to planning your life one week at a time and responding to social requests with “I don’t yet. I’ll let you know after the game.” If you’re an outsider looking in, this doesn't make sense and drives most people crazy. Most families are planning Thanksgiving and Christmas and everything in between.   Not so at our house or through many homes of high school coaches throughout the state of Texas. This is when you learn that the best ability is flexibility.

Thanksgiving has always been my mother’s favorite holiday.  She loves the planning, the detail, the cooking, the food and loves to make the day an event.  When I married my coach, her ideas for Thanksgiving had to shift a bit.   Now when she calls and asks “What are we doing for Thanksgiving?” our response is we can tell if we lose or we can wait and see if the team is practicing Thanksgiving morning.   Over the years she has come to embrace the fact that there is no real planning for the day usually until the week of Thanksgiving.  Now she calls and says, “How many do we need to plan for and are we doing real dishes or paper?”  My response is still “I don’t know and it depends on how many need a home for the day.” 

I learned early on in my life from my mother and my grandmother that the holiday is about more than just your immediate family coming together about the day. It’s about sharing it with loved ones from every part of your life whether its home, work, church, school, etc. One of the fun parts of the day was to see who all arrived to share the meal and the day with us.  You never knew if there were going to be 10, 20 or even 30 people when it was time to eat.

Thanks to playoffs that tradition now continues at my house where my biological family and my football family have a chance to come together as one big happy family and celebrate together.  It’s a time to share all the things we are thankful for and having both my families under one roof is a blessing.

One of my recent favorite Thanksgivings was a couple of years ago.  The team was practicing early Thursday morning and then leaving early Friday morning to travel for a playoff game. With no time to leave town to visit friends and family we invited any and all of the coaches and their families to our house for the day. When my mother asked how many we were serving and I said close to 30 she laughed and so ok let’s make a game plan. A sweet family heard what we were doing and donated the ham and the turkey and we took it from there.  It was exactly what you’d call a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving and yes we did use paper plates over china that year, but it was a really fun day. I got to spend time in the kitchen with my mother and my friends cooking, talking and laughing and that’s really what the holiday is about.  It’s about being thankful for your faith, family and friends and all the blessings that come with them. It doesn't matter where you are or how fancy you meal is it’s about the joy that comes with the preparation and then the celebration you have together.

So, what are we doing for Thanksgiving? I know I will be with my family and I know we are cooking. Other than that, I’ll let you know right after the game.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

The World Doesn't Stop Just Because I Do

This week I've been sick.  So sick that I missed an entire week of work and I even missed the football game on Friday night.  For me, that’s BIG. Before this game, I had only missed three games in sixteen years. So coming to the decision to miss in order to stay home and get well was huge for me.  If it hadn't been for the Twitter account that gives play by play on the game, I might have been tempted to stand in the cold and in the rain to see the game.

Sunday I knew I was sick and I could tell it wasn't just going to be a get over it in a day kind of thing. I had been working all weekend and on my way home I stopped by the grocery store and the drug store and stocked up on everything I knew I’d need for the week.  When I got home I immediately crashed.  When my coach came home he was scared when I opened my mouth and a man’s voice came out.  He declared that I was truly sick. On Monday I crawled out of bed long enough to take his game clothes to the cleaners and to go to do the doctor.  I texted my boss, turned on my out of office on my email and went back to bed and have remained there all week.

I grew up as an only child and I've found over the years that it has been great training to be the wife of the coach. I’m used to doing things on my own and being pretty independent. I can take care of any household catastrophe, deal with car issues and manage all of the day to activities on my own. I can do it all by myself if that’s what needed. I’m great at being independent to a point. That point comes when I’m sick. Then I like to have someone there take care of me, check on me, make sure that I have something to eat and drink.  But, as the wife of the coach and it’s during season, I've learned to either suck it up or do without that someone or to call my mother. This week I did a little of both.  I was independent for a few days but when my mother called and offered to bring dinner, I didn't hesitate in accepting her offer. She makes a great meatloaf that I’m sure can cure just about anything.  At least it does for me.

Although I've been in bed all week, the world didn't stop turning.  Knowing I was going to be sick for more than a day I thought I had planned accordingly and taken care of most of the important tasks for the week.  Even with good intentions, the laundry kept coming, dinners still needed to be made and the day to day tasks just didn't stop.  I had pretty much ignored all of this till yesterday morning when the phone rang. On the other end was my coach who was already at school. He was asking where his game pants were. I coughed and gasped all at the same time and remembered that I hadn't picked them up from the cleaners.  The world had gone on while I had stopped.

I crawled out of bed and threw on my lovely sweats and quickly drove to the cleaners and picked up his game pants. I know better than to go anywhere when I’m barely dressed and look like a mess. I was hoping to slip up to the field house and have my coach run out and meet me at the car.  What I forgot was that it was early enough that I was going to get caught in the carpool lane at school and manage to run into every student and coach I know while trying to give my coach his pants. I smiled and waved and tried to keep my head down. I’m sure there were several comments of “What’s wrong with Mrs. Coach?”  I handed my coach his pants and wished him good luck in the game and then went home and back to bed where I remained until this morning.

It’s been six days now and it’s time to join reality again and the real world. There’s laundry to do and grocery shopping to be done and oh yes, the pants must go back to the cleaners for another week.  Let’s hope I remember to pick them up before Friday.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

The Joys of Former Players

One of the greatest joys of being the wife of the coach is seeing the boys succeed past their high school playing days. We have been blessed to be part of teams that are full of talent. Every season we enjoy watching the college scouts come and recruit. Each year there are a few from the team that sign with D1 and/or D2 schools.

During one of our moves we went into the Verizon store to change sign up for our new cable plan. I shocked my salesman when he was trying to talk to me about movie packages and I said I’d rather talk sports packages.  I needed to be able to see all of my boys play on Saturday. The salesman said he’d never had a woman ask for that.  I told him not many women have children playing in the Big 12, PAC10, Ivy Leagues, Big 10, etc. I however, did and I wanted to watch them all play ball.  I now spend Saturdays doing laundry and anything else I can possibly do in front of the TV while I watch my boys play ball.  I love hearing the announcers talk about my boys and where they came from and what a great athlete they are.  Every Saturday I’m a proud mama as I sit and cheer on my boys and watch them do great things at the college level.

Beyond college ball we've had a few that have even made it to the professional level. I can still remember where I was and what I was doing the night our phone rang during the NFL draft and it was one of our former players calling to tell my coach that he had been drafted. He wanted to say thank you to him for helping him to succeed to the ultimate level of football.  That night I saw the joy in the face of my coach and new right then that my coach was doing what he was called to do.  He got the joy of watching all of his hard work and effort come to fruition as one of his players met his life goal of playing in the NFL.

Although not all of our players go on to play in college or in the NFL we still get the joy of watching them succeed in their college years and in their chosen professions.  We love holidays when they come home and we get to see them up at the field house or out in the community.  We enjoy hearing what’s going on in their lives and what they are up to. It’s fun to hear how school is going, who they are dating, and what they have experienced “out in the real world.”

For many years we had a special group of boys that we met each Christmas at the home of one their parents. We enjoyed dinner and then came the ultimate gingerbread house making competition.  You’d be amazed at the creativity level and designs of some of those houses.  These boys (now men) hold a special place in our hearts because they were a part of our wedding.  Now they are grown and married or have moved off to further their careers. 

A couple of them have joined the coaching ranks. Each year at coaching school we get to have our own little reunion and see how their kids have grown and catch up on their lives. This year while I was working on of the booths I looked up and there stood one of our former players.  He was grinning ear to ear and couldn't wait to find coach.  I asked what he was up to and he said that he was now a graduate assistant at a university here in Texas.  I couldn't believe my eyes or ears.  He was one that I wasn't sure what track he was headed down.  He told me he couldn't wait to tell Coach.  He was so proud to tell us that he had “gotten his act together” and now he was coaching. He said it was in large part because of my coach who didn't give up on him and now he wanted to do the same for other kids.

It’s been a joy over the years to see these boys grown into men and see where life leads them.  We have been with to meet them for dinner. They have become doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers, professional athletes and others have become coaches and teachers.

Being the wife of coach isn't always easy and sometimes the hours are long and the frustration level is high but there are rewards. The greatest reward is to see these young men come back after they have graduated and to hear them tell my coach thank you.  They say thank you for investing in them and spending time with them. They thank him for not killing them when sometimes they needed killing. Others thank him for just being there and listening. I even heard one thank him for all the times my coach yelled at him because that’s exactly what he needed.

If you are a former athlete and have never thanked your high school or junior high coaches, I encourage you to do so. If they are like my coach they love hearing their athletes and what’s going on in their lives.  They also cherish what you say and every note that is written to them.  Hearing from a former player is priceless and it makes the hours and all of the work worth it.

Cheering you on,

Laurel

Find Your Own Huddle

I learned early on that the majority of my friends couldn't relate to what it’s like to be the wife of a coach.  Unless you live it, it’s difficult to relate to the hours, the stress, and the having to talk football to everyone you meet. I have several friends that have commented on more than one occasion that they just don’t understand it and don’t get how I do it all of the time. I tell them, it’s simple. I love being the wife of a coach!

Only other coaches’ wives truly get it.  It’s important to have friends that you can talk with, laugh with, cry with and who just get you and get your life.  Wives that understand the hours, the late night phone calls about or from a player. Someone who can relate to the text messages received during church or the conversations in the grocery store. That’s why it’s important to huddle up with other wives who are living the life that you are living.

Laura Bush said it best when she said, “It is hard sometimes for women especially to steal time for friends. The demands on us from families, from jobs, from every other commitment are so strong and unrelenting. But friendship is what nurtures us.”

A few years ago the wife of our head coach and I were talking and we decided that the best way to support the wives on our staff and to nurture them and ourselves was to start a bible study. We both knew that we needed our own huddle. We needed to be present with a group of women face to face that we could be transparent with and have a safe place to open up about what was going on in our lives.

I spoke to the pastor of one of our local churches and arranged to meet at the church where he provided us childcare. This allowed us to have uninterrupted time together while our coaches were still at the field house.  The mother of a former player became our bible study leader or as we referred to Amy, our Coaches Wives Angel.  We thought it was important to have someone that could keep us on track with the lesson and someone that was no longer apart of the athletic program. 

We began to meet weekly on Monday nights.  The kids looked forward to playing together and the wives looked forward to quiet time with each other.  Our first study was the book of James.  We learned in James 5:16 to be transparent with each other and to pray for one another. Another study we did was on friendship. We learned how to encourage and support each other based on our favorite things. That some yearned for the gift of service and others loved to have a hand written note of support. Others were comforted through Dove Dark Chocolate.

Through the two years we were together we rejoiced together, mourned together, shared frustrations and hurts.  We went through struggles and major life changing decisions and we saw each other come out stronger on the other side. Some nights may have been more of a support group than actual bible study but that’s important too. As a staff we bonded in the Word and with each other.  I had prayed for years to find some friends that I could do life with and who understood me.  The Lord gave me the answer to my prayers through these women. I found my huddle.  We truly love each other.

Although our staff has changed quite a bit of the past couple of years, the bonds we made while in bible study are still holding us together.  The majority of those that were in that study have moved on to other schools or other coaching positions but our friendship remains.  We still talk and text and those of us that can, still get together on a regular basis. We are still there for each other through the good and the bad and these ladies are still my first call when I need a friend. Studies say that you become the average of the 5 people you are closest with. I’m honored to be a part of a group of ladies that all place Christ first in their life and all want the best for each other and bring out the best in each other.

I encourage you to find your huddle.  Don’t just stand on the sideline and wait for it to happen. Take that leap and ask others to join you in bible study. Talk to members in your community if childcare or a meeting place is a challenge. If you want it, God will help to open the doors to make it happen.  Just huddle up!

Cheering you on,

Laurel

I Need a Date!

When we got married we received seven picnic baskets as wedding presents.  All came with the well intentioned but oblivious comment of “We thought you could enjoy a picnic with each other before the game.”  Most of those picnic baskets are currently arranged in the corner of my kitchen and hold a variety of items including my tools.  Never once in fifteen years has one actually been used for a picnic.

Unless you live it, you don’t get it.  I didn't have to watch the show Friday Night Lights. I live it. Football is 24 hours a day 7 days a week for the majority of the year.  It’s not just Friday nights and it’s not just between kickoff and when the clock runs out. My coach is gone from the house before the sun comes up and he’s home long after it’s gone down.  Every season there are days that we don’t actually see each other.  If I didn't get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I wouldn't have even seen his body in the bed.

In the past my job has had me traveling on the weekends.  I could attend the game on Friday night and then fly out Saturday morning and then return Sunday night. The joke at our house was that I could be gone and back before my coach even noticed that I wasn't at home.  He said he noticed but he did have to call one time and ask where exactly I was in the world. 

There used to be a respite at home, but now that he can watch game film on his iPad and even his iPhone he may be home, but he’s still working.  There are times that it seems that even when my coach is present in body at home, he’s absent in mind. Then there are the endless texts and tweets from players and other coaches. It seems as if he’s never truly away from work anymore.  

Now please don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I’m merely laying out the facts.  I knew what I was getting into when we got married.  I saw the hours that he kept and I still signed up for the part of being the wife of a coach. I love being the wife of coach and wouldn't trade it for the world.  What I am saying though is – I need a date. I need some one on one uninterrupted time with my coach.

The regular season is more than half way over.  The possibility of playoffs is on the horizon.  The goal at our house, as with most coaches’ families, is to be playing for the state championship on December 21. So with all that in mind, I need a date.  

I just want a date where the two of us sit can just enjoy each other for a few hours.  With the pressures of the season and all the craziness that is life, we need to take a moment to stop and unplug from everything around us. We need to sit and talk and laugh and just decompress a little from the stress that is football season. We need to take a moment to refocus our priorities and get set to finish the season.

 As much as I would like to think that my coach can read my mind and instinctively know my every want and need, he can’t and he doesn’t.  To avoid self-inflicted frustration on my part, I have to straight up tell him what’s going on in my head.  He’s busy game planning for next week’s opponent. He doesn’t have time to stop and wonder what’s going on in my head. With his schedule, he doesn’t have time to stop and wonder what’s going on inside his own head.  I’m the one that has decided that I need a date, so I’ve taken matters into my own hands.  I called and asked my coach if we could have a real honest to goodness date.  I told him that I want a date that involves no iPads, no iPhones, no texting, no tweeting kind of date.  (Of course with the exception of his head coach.  I’m not unrealistic enough to think that he can just ignore his boss for the evening. )

My coach agreed that it was time for a real date and he even agreed to the no technology request.  I did concede to let him respond to any text or call from his head coach – but only his head coach.  He gets the importance of stopping and getting off the crazy train that is life for a few hours and just spending time one on one with me.  He needs to take a break from coach mode and just be a husband who is in the moment with me. 

Our date tonight doesn’t have to be at some really nice or expensive restaurant. I prefer though that it not be at the Quick Trip as my coach is always threatening.  It doesn’t have to be some super romantic getaway or full of elaborate details.  It doesn’t need to involve days of planning or a major budget. It can be as simple as going out to eat. All that’s important on our date is that we are together, enjoying each other’s company and stopping to refocus on each other as we head to finish the season strong.

It’s the morning of our date and I’m still not sure what the plans are for the evening. What I can tell you is that I’m excited for some on one time with my coach and I know he’s excited too. If you’re like me and in desperate need of date, I encourage you to call your coach and ask him out and see what happens.  

I’m off to plan our date now. 

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Losing Jacob

Throughout the past couple of months I've opened up the door to my life and shared some deep parts of my heart with you.  Today’s post is one that I've been working on for weeks because I cry every time I begin writing and because I want to make sure I get it just right. By now you know that I consider our players to be our children. Well, today I’m writing about the loss of one of my children.

October 14 will mark the one year anniversary of losing Jacob.  It was his senior year and he had been playing on the varsity level since he was a freshman.  Along with the other safeties he ate dinner at my house. Sat on my couch and laughed and talked with us. You’ll see him on our Christmas cards and in every picture we ever took together, he was always standing right next to me. Coaches and players love each other, but Jacob and my coach had a bond and a love that was deeper than most.  There was something very special there.

The thing about Jacob was that everyone seemed to have a special bond with him.  He had an infectious smile and could make everyone laugh. Everyone seemed drawn to him. He had a quite spirit and he put everyone at ease. It’s amazing how many people considered him their best friend. It’s difficult to be a good friend to so many but Jacob was capable of just that.  If you were in a room with him, you knew you had his undivided attention and that he genuinely cared for you.  He may have been 17 in earthly years  and still a goofy teenage boy in many ways, but he had a much older spirit and was wise beyond his years when it came to his faith. 

Jacob was bolder in his faith than most teenagers I've known.  Everyone knew exactly where he stood.  He was a believer and was saved by the grace of our Lord Jesus.  He let everyone know it.  The week before the accident he was sitting on my couch and we were discussing how much we loved the church we both attended.  He was always quick to share his faith with those he met. He wanted to make sure everyone knew that Christ had died for them and that there was eternal life for those who believed.

Jacob and several other boys from our football team were celebrating a great win and the birthday of one of the boys at the lake that Sunday afternoon.  Several of them had been jumping off a cliff into the lake and Jacob and Gavin decided they wanted to jump. The other boys yelled at them to come back for life jackets. But the two boys ignored them. Jacob told Gavin as they climbed the 60-foot cliff, “If God wants to take me, he’ll take me.” As they jumped neither of them had any idea what was to come or how true that statement would turn out to be. The boys say that Jacob surfaced for just a moment and then went back under.  One of the boys quickly dialed 911 as a couple of others jumped in to look for him. 

I’ll always remember that Sunday afternoon and what I was doing when the phone rang.  My coach called and knew immediately that something was terribly wrong.  He rarely calls while he’s at the field house and when he does, I know he needs something or that there's a problem.  His voice was shaking and he said, “There’s been an accident with some of the boys.  Laurel, it’s Jacob.” His voice cracked and my heart seemed to just stop.  I was paralyzed and didn't know what to do so I began praying.  After a while I asked my neighbor to drive me up to the field house.  I found the coaches praying while the head coach and a couple of the parents headed to the lake.

Word was spreading fast throughout the town and we were seeing that the kids all wanted to be together to pray and to hope for Jacob’s recovery.  We called every youth minister in town and word began to spread to meet at the football field.  We looked up and they began to come. Two, three, four at a time and then there were hundreds of teenagers, parents, ministers, coaches and wives standing on the field.  We were crying, praying, holding each other and trying to explain why bad things happen to those we love. It’s one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I was trying to hold it together for those kids while my heart was broken inside.  I had just lost one of my children and they had lost a friend.

Most of that week is a blur.  While we were waiting for the recovery crews to find Jacob our school experienced another loss. Another student who was also a senior at the school took his own life.  Our kids and community were rocked.  We were already walking through tough territory and now our grief was taken to another level. There were lots of conversations that week about why God allows things to happen and why so many hard things seem to happen at once.  Our coaches, coaches’ wives, teachers, and ministers were able to share our faith with quite a few of the kids that week.  Many are believers and we walked with them as their faith grew stronger and deeper during this dark time.

Friday was coming and they still hadn't found Jacob.  We were praying that they would find him before the game so that the team could refocus.  To many of you that might sound trite, but Jacob would have wanted it that way.  He was one of the team captains and always wanted his team to focus.  Because he was always so quick to share his faith we all knew that he was now in Heaven praising his Lord and Savior. So knowing that, he would have wanted the team to take the field and honor the captain and his faith by playing to the best of their ability.

Jacob was recovered at 9:21 pm or, in military time, 21:21 on Thursday night. What’s special about that is Jacob wore number 21. Now the team could play knowing that their captain and brother had been found.  

Entering the stadium that night you could feel something in the air and we knew it would be a night that we would remember for the rest of our lives.  The opposing team and their fans were such gracious hosts and reached out to us in many ways.  Fans stopped and prayed for us and with us. They hung signs of support and gave us hugs after the game. It was an honor to be a part of TX High School Football that night.

Now came the hardest part. It was time to say goodbye to Jacob.  On Monday afternoon we entered our church where we worshiped every Sunday and where Jacob and his family worshiped. Over two thousand people came to say goodbye and to honor and celebrate Jacob. It was a celebration. We celebrated his life and his faith and we knew it was okay to say goodbye because he was standing in Heaven praising his Savior.  There were more moments of laughter than there were tears and there were even more moments when we just stood and praised our Lord.  That’s exactly how Jacob would have wanted it.

We love him and miss him and there’s still not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him and his goofy smile.  As the wife of a coach it’s one of the hardest journeys but strangely I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I was reminded of many lessons along the way. I was reminded to be bold in my faith. I was reminded that as a believer we can make it through even the toughest of times because the Lord is carrying us through the pain. I was also reminded that because my coach and I have such a deep relationship with our kids we know where they stand spiritually and they know exactly where we stand and that makes a huge difference.

“Jobs, sports, and people will fail you. God will not. He is a righteous savior that has not, and will never fail you.”  Tweeted by Jacob on September 23, 2012.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Strive to be Mrs. 31 not Wonder Woman

Proverbs 31 is one of my favorite passages in scripture.  It’s about a woman and this woman can do it all.  She cooks, she cleans, she sews, she works, she shops, she provides for her family, she has help doing it all and her husband praises her for it all. Just seeing that list makes me exhausted.  There are 22 verses dedicated to what she does for her family.  There are only 24 hours in the day so how on earth does this woman get it all done?  In today’s society I think many of us would refer to her not so much as Mrs. 31 but as Wonder Woman.

Mrs. 31 is a very busy lady and there always seems to be time in her day to make it all happen. We see her as Wonder Woman feel that if we don’t aim for perfection and execute it perfectly then we are failures.  That’s simply not the case.  I remember the night that I learned that Mrs. 31 wasn't an actual woman and that she is just the ideal of what we want to strive to become. I was sitting in a woman’s bible study at my church and you could literally hear the sighs of relief from every woman in the room.  I think just about every woman had walked in the room that night thinking they were going to hear how they were failing in life because they weren't the perfect woman and living up to the expectations of being Wonder Woman in their homes.   We all had been using those verses as a checklist of items to complete to be the ultimate woman (our version of Wonder Woman) rather than seeing the whole picture and who Mrs. 31 actually was and is. 

Commentaries will tell you that she is the dream wife and difficult to find, but not impossible. What it all boils down to is that Mrs. 31 was a woman of wisdom and that all that is mentioned in verses 10-31 is how she applied that wisdom.  I can’t become Wonder Woman. I’m simply not wired like that and I don’t know many women who actually are.  I do know that I can pray for and learn to apply wisdom in my day to day life.

I think as the wife of a coach and especially during the season there’s a lot about the Proverbs 31 woman that I can apply to my own life. I love verse 11 where “her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” Those are my marching orders for the season.  My husband is off and engaged in the battle of football season and I’m home to man the fort. I can strive to be like Mrs. 31 and take care of all of the day to day details of the home and family.  I try to make a plan and work the plan.  I love lists so I have my daily list of chores and errands that I can fit around my job and the football schedule.  I attempt to meal plan for the week and head to the grocery store on Sunday afternoon or Saturday morning.  There’s the endless basket of laundry that has to be done. The list goes on and one and I’m sure yours does as well.

Each season comes with the demands of the day to day activities that I must deal with by myself while my coach is focused elsewhere and those are fine and come with the territory. I don’t know why, but it seems as if every season there is one major disaster at our house.  This is when I wonder how exactly my house and car know it’s football season. The garage door fell off its tracks as I was backing out of the drive way to the game. The water heater has needed replacing. The air conditioning system for the house completely died.  The washer and dryer died within days of each other. The one time I parked my car in the driveway for the night a tree fell on it. You name it, I've dealt with it.  I call and give my coach a heads up that the budget is about to take a hit but I assure him I've gotten several bids and found the best solution for the issue.  It needed to be dealt with and I dealt. For that moment in time, I am Mrs. 31. My awesome coach, just like Mr. 31 in Proverbs praises me for dealing with it and we move on to the next issue at hand.

My coach knows how much I love Mrs. 31.  Verses 13, 14 and 16 are where she shops.  I LOVE shopping.  I often tease him that shopping is my spiritual gift.  He quickly reminds me that spiritual gifts are in the New Testament and that this is just one of Mrs. 31’s many qualities. Verses 17 and 18 are where she works for a living.  I enjoy going to work.  Verse 15 is where my coach and I will both tell you I fail miserably.  “She gets up while it is still night.” Anyone who knows me well will tell you that’s a big one for me to overcome. I’m not a morning person. Never have been and most likely never will be.  I also don’t sew and I don’t do math.  Therefore I don’t watch the affairs of the household as they are mentioned in verse 27.

Now I’m not letting myself off the hook completely on those things where I fall short and I’m not just giving up.  I think it’s important to strive to do all of these things for my family and there are some definite qualities and virtues that I need to do some major work on in my life. I want to be Mrs. 31 and become the woman that my husband praises and that my children (football boys included) call blessed. But what I know now is that I’m striving to be a woman of wisdom and not just Wonder Woman. It’s about character and not just a checklist.

I want to be as many of these qualities and virtues that I can possibly be, but now I know that if the laundry doesn't get folded and put away, it’s okay.  If I have to drive through to pick up dinner, life isn't going to come to a complete halt. Life happens and unplanned things get in the way.  Something comes up a work, a household item breaks and the day and plans get derailed.  I need to remember to do what I can and then strive for the rest but that doesn't mean striving to the point of exhaustion and sending my blood pressure through the roof.  The key is stop. Take a deep breath.  Take a moment to apply a little wisdom to the situation and then work the new plan that may or may not include cooking, cleaning, sewing, shopping, and working.  Take one step at a time and remember tomorrow is another day and a new chance to be Mrs. 31.

Cheering you on,

Laurel

Learning from Defeat

Texas High School Football.  Some will say it doesn't get any bigger than that. Others will tell you it’s not a sport it’s a religion. Most anyone will tell you though it’s all about winning.  I’m not going to tell you that winning isn't important. It is. No doubt about it. But, what I will tell you is that winning only teaches half of the lessons that should be taught to our athletes.

After sixteen years of coaching, my coach and I have experienced winning seasons and losing seasons.  We have blessed to be a part of some great communities during our coaching years and the majority of our seasons have been winning seasons. Even during those winning seasons most have come with a loss or two along the way.  All sorts of books have been written and speeches have been given about winning. Sometimes though,  you need to focus on the losing.

There are many correlations to real life that can be applied to a losing season or even losing one game. We don’t win everything we do or try in life and I think that kids today think that they can and should win everything.  In little league sports everyone seems to get a trophy, we don’t always keep score and kids get used to hearing “everyone is a winner.”  Well, then high school hits and all of the sudden, everyone isn’t a winner.  Games are won and games are lost. Not everyone goes to the playoffs and not everyone is handed a trophy.  That’s part of the game of life and that’s when it’s important to step in and teach the grace and dignity of losing.  It’s best to help teach our athletes that now before they hit college and the real world and don’t know how to react when the game plan of life doesn’t turn out like they had planned.

The year that we were going into our final game of the season and we were 0-9 was a great year to teach about losing with grace. It was also a time to teach determination and how not to quit in any situation.  Through nine long weeks the coaches worked with kids to teach that to never stop fighting and to always play to the absolute best of their ability.  They taught them that life isn’t always so easy and that trophies aren’t just going to be handed out to everyone. They were doing amazing things with those kids and the work paid off.  The boys never quit and they never gave up and they won their last game of the season. To some that might seem small but to them, it was like winning the state championship. They learned to work and never give up in order to achieve what they wanted the most. They wanted a victory and they got it. To them it seemed like they had one the state championship.

This is another life lesson that sports can teach you even if you’re in the stands and not on the field. We all strive for that promotion or raise or win at whatever we are doing. Not everything is always going to go according to that plan either.  Sometimes the game plan has to shift a little. We have to adapt to the things going on around us and sometimes come up with a new plan all together.  We need to take that time out so to speak and reevaluate the goal.  OK- that’s a whole lot of sports metaphors in one paragraph, but I’m the wife of a coach and I know that sports can teach you things off the field as well as on the field.
 

We can also learn these same lessons in scripture. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says “ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

He’s got a game plan for us. When life doesn't give us what we want or we find ourselves at a loss, we need to stop and seek Him with all of our heart and He will show us His game plan for our lives.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

They are more than athletes - They are my children

Sometimes the plans that we have for ourselves are not necessarily the plans that the Lord has for us. Just like every little girl growing up I assumed that I would grow up, get married and have children of my own. Step one - I grew up. Step two - I met and married the man of my dreams. Step three - here's where my plan changed and the Lord stepped in with His plan. 

My coach and I were on the right track. The game plan was set. We were married; both had great jobs and were ready to start a family.  So, we started trying and found out it's not always as easy as we think. After several miscarriages, a million doctor visits, and a several years of treatments, etc. all to no avail we decided it was time to step back and re-evaluate the game plan.  A sweet friend suggested that we spend 40 days in prayer and truly search our hearts and listen to what the Lord had to say about our next steps. Many options were on the table including more treatments, adoption and whatever else the Lord might call us to do.  So we began praying. We began praying for wisdom and clear answers that would direct us to what to do next. Psalm 113:9 became my prayer. "He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord.” I was anxious to see how the Lord would answer our prayers.

We didn't share with anyone that we were praying and searching for answers, but the answers starting coming almost immediately.  Throughout the 40 days we were approached on at least 10 different occasions from kids who were speaking answers to us without even knowing what they were doing.  Our doorbell rang one night and in walked a player who just needed to talk.  He said he knew he could stop by because he wouldn't be disturbing bed time with the little ones. Another player said that he knew if anything were to go wrong in the middle of the night that we could always be there for him and if he called he wouldn't wake up the baby.  Another shared that he could tell us things he couldn't or wouldn't share with his own parents. Another student said that we cared for her in ways her own parents didn't. Another said she knew I would always listen and could help her see that her mom truly loved her and wasn't just spying on her. The list goes on and on.  There was our answer!  We had children. God has given us children. They just all happen to be teenagers and play sports but they are OUR children. The answer had been in front of us the entire time. We just weren't seeing it because we had been so focused on our game plan and what we assumed was the right plan.  Our plan was for one, two or maybe even three children. We found that God’s plan was bigger. It involved hundreds of children.

Each year we take “family photos” with our boys at media day. After the games one of the boys will always gather “his brothers” and we take more family photos.  These photos are on our Christmas card every year. They are also found on my desk at work and all around our house.  We currently have one player that asks for pictures with his parents and “his other parents” after each game. We've even had people ask which parents are his actual parents. We are all one family.

These children may not be physically mine, but they are mine spiritually. The Lord placed me in the role of being the wife of a coach and in the lives of these athletes for a specific reason. I share in their joys and in their heartbreaks. I get to cheer them on each time they take the field or court. My coach and I go to prom every year and enjoy graduation parties, birthday parties, etc. We sit beside them in church. On Mother’s Day, I am wished Happy Mother’s Day by these precious athletes.  I am joyous when I watch as they come to know the Lord or for others grow in their faith. I am joyous when they go off to college and come back to see us. I love when they invite us to weddings and when I am introduced to their wives and children. Most importantly, I get to share with them scriptures that my parents shared with me when they are hurting or confused. I’m there to help them walk through the pains of growing up and through heartbreaks and sorrows. Just like Psalm 113:9 promises, I am the joyous mother of children.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  The Lord’s plans are always better than our plans.  We just have to stop and listen and sometimes revise our game plan along the way.

Step 1 – I am grown. Step 2: I am married to my Coach who is the man of my dreams. The man the Lord chose for me. Step 3 REVISED: I am a mother. I’m not just the wife of the coach. These are my children and I love each and every one of them as if they were my own because they are mine. Praise the Lord.

Cheering you on,

Laurel

A Little Note Changes Everything

A few years ago the wife of our head coach suggested that we all write notes to our husband's position players. When we began, we had no idea the impact that we would be having on the lives of those boys. We also didn't realize the impact it would have on us as well. Several of the boys had told me thank you but I thought they were just being polite.  Turns out it goes beyond the polite thank you.They really do care about the note and what is said in each one of them.

When others hear that I write notes to the boys the first question I get is, "What do you say?"  Usually I say what's on my heart.  I pray for these players every day and I can always find a Bible verse or quote that's perfect for the week. I know what's going on in their lives and their joys and frustrations on and off  the field because I hear from my coach about them.  They come to "family dinner" at our house. I follow them on Twitter.(I learn a lot about them on Twitter.)  Then I sit down and write their note.  The contents are between me and each player.  My coach doesn't read them.He just delivers them to their locker each week. He says that's my personal gift to each of his players.

We have several single coaches on our staff so each year the wives pick one of those coaches and write notes to his players as well as the players of our husband.  Sometimes these notes are a little more difficult to write as I don't know those boys as well, but trust me when I say those notes are just as powerful as the ones to "my boys."

You may be wondering how I know how powerful these notes are to them. I know through conversations with them and sometimes even with their parents.  Teenage boys aren't always the best at sharing with their parents but I'm amazed at how many actually take the notes home and show them to their moms. One mom asked to meet me at the football game one night.  She wanted to hug me and tell me thank you for writing her son.  She told me "he's not a starter and may not even see the field, but the note made him feel that someone cared about him and was cheering for him."  Another mom told be about how she was cleaning her son's room and when she picked up his Bible several of the notes fell out. She told me he kept my notes and reread them when he needed some encouragement. At the doctor's office this week the receptionist told me I had written her son two years ago and that when he left for college he made sure those notes were kept in a safe place.She thanked me for taking the time to write him and told me that I had an impact on his life.

Last year was a difficult year for our team and the notes took on an even greater meaning for me and my boys.  They were part therapy, part encouragement, and in many ways I think they held us together as we were walking through something as a team and a family that many teams never have to face.  When one of the boys stopped me in the hall of the field house hugged me tight and said,  "Please don't stop with the notes.They are what are getting me though sometimes." I realized right then I could never stop with the notes. I knew right then the Lord as working through me with those notes and that they were making an impact for Him.

These stories are here because I took half an hour each week and wrote a small note of encouragement. I had no idea they actually kept the notes. I thought they read them and then tossed them aside, but through the years I've learned that's not the case.  Those notes are kept and cherished.  Just like I cherish each of those players.

The power of the written word is amazing.  I think note writing and hand written notes are a dying art, but I also think that's what makes the note more valuable. Some weeks my notes are longer than others. Some weeks the notes are all very similar in nature. But, each week I try to send a note or at least every other week.  I'm by no means perfect in this and well some times you just have to punt. Last week was crazy and all the boys got was a Tweet but I figured a Tweet was better than nothing.  They all agreed. They knew I was cheering for them and they knew I was there to encourage them.

As the wife of a coach, I am there to be that encouragement. I'm there to be that quiet voice to come alongside my coach and remind those young men it's not all about football. It's letting them know that we love them and we want to see them succeed and become that man the Lord wants them to become.My coach gets to do that at every practice and every game. I get to do that through my notes.So I encourage you to take up note writing and see how your world changes.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Love Your Neighbor AND Your Football Fan As Yourself

Many of us know the verses in Matthew 12:30-31 “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

For me, I do love the Lord with all my heart and that’s the easy part.  It’s the loving your neighbor as yourself part that is sometimes rather difficult.  Now before you judge me too quickly, remember that the neighbor isn't just your literal neighbor next door. (I DO love those neighbors.)  I’m thinking in the broader sense of the term – like the football fan.  They too are my neighbors both in the stands and in the community. These are the people that are watching me to see how I react to how well things are going or not going on the field. These are the people that need to see Jesus in my every word, every action and every reaction. The majority are great fans and very supportive of the coaching staff but every school has a few fans that are let’s just say – a little more difficult than the rest. It’s those fans that I’m writing about today.

Sometimes sitting in the stands and listening to all those fans who think they can do my husband’s job can be rather difficult.  There is always some point during the season that I just want to turn around and say, “Well, if your son would actually run the play my husband called, maybe things would have turned out differently.” Thing is, I can’t say that and I really shouldn’t say that.  It’s in these times that I need to take a deep breath and remember what the Lord called me to do – LOVE my neighbor.  Difficult as it may be – I’m supposed to LOVE in all situations, not just when the game is going well. Not just when we have a winning record.  ALL times.  

Win or lose, good times or bad times, on Friday nights we all arrive at the stadium for one common purpose.  We want to support our team.  We want to support our boys.  We want to cheer them on to victory.  Some people are just more passionate in how they express their support. When things aren't going according to plan, it's in these times that the wives of the coaches have to hear a little more than they want from their fans. This could make it a challenge to love them as Christ has called us to do.  As wives we put of our defensive mechanisms and want to protect our husbands and his reputation.  We know what capable he is of doing his job.  We want everyone to know that he is a great coach and we certainly want to turn around and tell that fan a thing or two about what it’s really like to coach football. It’s in these moments that you need to find some levity and bring it all back into perspective. 

We once worked with a coach that said, “There are two things that everybody in the world thinks that they can do well: 1) Make a peanut butter sandwich and 2) coach football.”  The wives loved this statement and so we came up with a little hand signal that was just for us when moments got intense and we were finding it hard to love our fans as ourselves.  A wife would simply hold up two fingers and we would all have a little laugh.  The moment passed and we all had a better perspective.

So when things get tough, just remember the number two.  Christ called us to remember two things. Love Him with all of our hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves.  There are two things everyone can do, make a sandwich and coach.  Hold those two fingers high ladies and love well!

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Am I Married to the Coach or the Pastor?

My husband and I are blessed to be a part of a wonderful church in our community and although he has changed schools several times during the years, we've been able to stay at the same church and gotten to know our pastor and his wife on a personal level. Our pastor has a love of sports and really gets and understands the role of a coach. He gets it's more than just Friday night lights and that there is a lot more to the job.  As a coach you are growing young men and women into the adults that they will be in the future.  My pastor's wife and I have discovered that our roles as a wife are very similar in nature.

Throughout the years she has learned to smile and nod as people freely give her advice on her husband's sermons. She has listened to people with little or no training in  ministry critique his every move, both at the church and out in public.  She has learned to choose her words wisely and to think before she speaks.

As the wife of a coach I have had to learn to smile and nod as people have given me advice on the defensive and special teams calls my  husband should have made.I have learned that I can't say things like, "Well, if your son would actually run the play my husband called, maybe the play would have turned out differently."  I too have had to learn to choose my words wisely and think before I speak.

Another way she and I are alike is that we "always have to be on."  Whether you've had a good day or the worst day in your life, once you hit that stadium or gym door it's time to be gracious, to smile and to act that you don't have a care in the world except for the outcome of the game.  That's when you find your fellow coaches wives give each other your secret sign  for my day has been dreadful and I really don't want to be here.  That's their cue to build you back up, hug your neck and let you know it's all going to be okay. Every wife needs to find that special friend be the wife of another coach or a trusted friend that can be there for you in that moment to quietly whisper "I've got your back" or "It's all going to be okay."  I pray that you can find that person  for you at your school.

The most important way that my pastor's wife and I are alike though is that our husbands are both in the ministry.  Now our pastor has the more traditional role of ministry as being a pastor and he spends countless hours at the church and with his congregation investing in them and making sure they know the Lord and walk with the Lord on a daily basis.  He is helping to rebuild the lives of the lost and furthering God's Kingdom. He too is gone for hours on end and works crazy hours at the cost of being away from his family, but he's doing what God has called him to do.

My husband is also in the ministry - it's just not your traditional role as pastor. Coaching is more than X's and O's. It's more that winning games.  It's a chance to dive deep into the lives of the young men and women and to be their spiritual coach as well.  On average coaches spend at least 20 hours a week with their players - just in practices, games, watching film, etc. Once you add in the hours of teaching and game planning, and all of the other duties of a coach. the work time can exceed 80 hours a week.  While they are away from their families they at school getting to know their kids on a deep and personal level.  They have the opportunity to see where these kids are spiritually and share their faith with them.  This is an amazing opportunity and it's what God has called them to do.

So you may be asking at this point - great Laurel - I see his role, but where am I in all of this?  Well, just like my pastor's wife, I'm my coach's partner in ministry.  We're in this together.  She prays for our pastor and works along side him in their care and love of their church family.  She invests in the lives of the women in our church, teaches bible study and does countless other things that most people never see because they are behind the scenes.

I pray for my coach and when I have the opportunity I help with the love and care of his players.  I write them notes of encouragement and send treats when I know it's been a hard week.  I pray for my boys that they would all come to know Jesus and that I'll have the opportunity to spend eternity with them in Heaven.. We are all God's children and I want to make sure that when I stand in Heaven that I can look around and see the faces of those players and know that I had some small part of furthering the God's kingdom.

So am I married to the coach or to the pastor?  The answer is simple.  It's yes. Yes I am.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Seasons

A few weeks ago, a sweet friend of mine was blogging about the seasons of her family in relation to the four seasons.  It got me to thinking about the seasons we have as a coaching family.  My husband coaches high school football here in Texas and is also the head track coach at his school.  While most families and society seem to move with the traditional seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter, at our house we move to the seasons of Football, Track, Spring Football and 7 on 7.

I love being married to a coach and moving in sync with the seasons of his schedule.  Yes, some days are more of a challenge then others but isn't that the case of day to day life no matter you or your spouse does for a living?  Right now at our house, football has begun.  The preseason scrimmage was yesterday and today he's up at the field house getting ready for the first game of the season.  Our Fall schedule has started and football is now on the calendar for seven days a week for at least the next 10 weeks.  Of course the goal is for him to be gone for 16 weeks and come home with a state title.  (More on that in the weeks to come.)

Some wives say goodbye to their husbands during this time and "mourn their loss."  They think of themselves as "football widows."  That's not the case in our house.  I'm clearly still married and he's still my husband.  He hasn't died, he's just focused.  Focused on his job, focused on his passion for coaching, focused on his boys and focused on the goal of winning that title.  When he is home, there is still that focus, but he's also able to focus on me - I just have to know for a while I share the focus area with something else.  It's okay to share the focus because I know there are times I make him share as well. I have a job. I have committees and volunteer opportunities and a host of other things that take my attention.

Early on in our marriage we created our ground rules or our playbook so to speak.  Our number one play in the book that we support each other in our passions and in what God has called us to do in our lives.  My husband was called to coach and to be a leader to his players and help mold them into the young men that God wants them to be both on and off the field.  Who am I to stand in the way of that calling?  I shouldn't be in the way. I should be the first to cheer him on and celebrate that he is able to follow what the Lord has planned for him.

So for this season, Football is focus at our house. Rather than sit at home and wonder what to do with myself and focus on the fact that he isn't around, I make my list and work to execute it during the next 10-16 weeks.  I find projects around the house that I can do when no one is home and wondering what I'm doing and no explanation is required. I volunteer at our church.  I write notes to his players to place in their lockers each week before the game. I do all the things I don't have time for when my coach is home and we are focused on other things like clean out that closet or cabinet.  To some it may seem a little strange, but I enjoy this season.  It's a time to refocus and accomplish all those things I keep saying "I'll get to that some day." Right now, I have a season of some days so time to take advantage.

More later, that closet is begging to be cleaned out right now.

Cheering from the stands,
Laurel