Losing Jacob

Throughout the past couple of months I've opened up the door to my life and shared some deep parts of my heart with you.  Today’s post is one that I've been working on for weeks because I cry every time I begin writing and because I want to make sure I get it just right. By now you know that I consider our players to be our children. Well, today I’m writing about the loss of one of my children.

October 14 will mark the one year anniversary of losing Jacob.  It was his senior year and he had been playing on the varsity level since he was a freshman.  Along with the other safeties he ate dinner at my house. Sat on my couch and laughed and talked with us. You’ll see him on our Christmas cards and in every picture we ever took together, he was always standing right next to me. Coaches and players love each other, but Jacob and my coach had a bond and a love that was deeper than most.  There was something very special there.

The thing about Jacob was that everyone seemed to have a special bond with him.  He had an infectious smile and could make everyone laugh. Everyone seemed drawn to him. He had a quite spirit and he put everyone at ease. It’s amazing how many people considered him their best friend. It’s difficult to be a good friend to so many but Jacob was capable of just that.  If you were in a room with him, you knew you had his undivided attention and that he genuinely cared for you.  He may have been 17 in earthly years  and still a goofy teenage boy in many ways, but he had a much older spirit and was wise beyond his years when it came to his faith. 

Jacob was bolder in his faith than most teenagers I've known.  Everyone knew exactly where he stood.  He was a believer and was saved by the grace of our Lord Jesus.  He let everyone know it.  The week before the accident he was sitting on my couch and we were discussing how much we loved the church we both attended.  He was always quick to share his faith with those he met. He wanted to make sure everyone knew that Christ had died for them and that there was eternal life for those who believed.

Jacob and several other boys from our football team were celebrating a great win and the birthday of one of the boys at the lake that Sunday afternoon.  Several of them had been jumping off a cliff into the lake and Jacob and Gavin decided they wanted to jump. The other boys yelled at them to come back for life jackets. But the two boys ignored them. Jacob told Gavin as they climbed the 60-foot cliff, “If God wants to take me, he’ll take me.” As they jumped neither of them had any idea what was to come or how true that statement would turn out to be. The boys say that Jacob surfaced for just a moment and then went back under.  One of the boys quickly dialed 911 as a couple of others jumped in to look for him. 

I’ll always remember that Sunday afternoon and what I was doing when the phone rang.  My coach called and knew immediately that something was terribly wrong.  He rarely calls while he’s at the field house and when he does, I know he needs something or that there's a problem.  His voice was shaking and he said, “There’s been an accident with some of the boys.  Laurel, it’s Jacob.” His voice cracked and my heart seemed to just stop.  I was paralyzed and didn't know what to do so I began praying.  After a while I asked my neighbor to drive me up to the field house.  I found the coaches praying while the head coach and a couple of the parents headed to the lake.

Word was spreading fast throughout the town and we were seeing that the kids all wanted to be together to pray and to hope for Jacob’s recovery.  We called every youth minister in town and word began to spread to meet at the football field.  We looked up and they began to come. Two, three, four at a time and then there were hundreds of teenagers, parents, ministers, coaches and wives standing on the field.  We were crying, praying, holding each other and trying to explain why bad things happen to those we love. It’s one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I was trying to hold it together for those kids while my heart was broken inside.  I had just lost one of my children and they had lost a friend.

Most of that week is a blur.  While we were waiting for the recovery crews to find Jacob our school experienced another loss. Another student who was also a senior at the school took his own life.  Our kids and community were rocked.  We were already walking through tough territory and now our grief was taken to another level. There were lots of conversations that week about why God allows things to happen and why so many hard things seem to happen at once.  Our coaches, coaches’ wives, teachers, and ministers were able to share our faith with quite a few of the kids that week.  Many are believers and we walked with them as their faith grew stronger and deeper during this dark time.

Friday was coming and they still hadn't found Jacob.  We were praying that they would find him before the game so that the team could refocus.  To many of you that might sound trite, but Jacob would have wanted it that way.  He was one of the team captains and always wanted his team to focus.  Because he was always so quick to share his faith we all knew that he was now in Heaven praising his Lord and Savior. So knowing that, he would have wanted the team to take the field and honor the captain and his faith by playing to the best of their ability.

Jacob was recovered at 9:21 pm or, in military time, 21:21 on Thursday night. What’s special about that is Jacob wore number 21. Now the team could play knowing that their captain and brother had been found.  

Entering the stadium that night you could feel something in the air and we knew it would be a night that we would remember for the rest of our lives.  The opposing team and their fans were such gracious hosts and reached out to us in many ways.  Fans stopped and prayed for us and with us. They hung signs of support and gave us hugs after the game. It was an honor to be a part of TX High School Football that night.

Now came the hardest part. It was time to say goodbye to Jacob.  On Monday afternoon we entered our church where we worshiped every Sunday and where Jacob and his family worshiped. Over two thousand people came to say goodbye and to honor and celebrate Jacob. It was a celebration. We celebrated his life and his faith and we knew it was okay to say goodbye because he was standing in Heaven praising his Savior.  There were more moments of laughter than there were tears and there were even more moments when we just stood and praised our Lord.  That’s exactly how Jacob would have wanted it.

We love him and miss him and there’s still not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him and his goofy smile.  As the wife of a coach it’s one of the hardest journeys but strangely I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I was reminded of many lessons along the way. I was reminded to be bold in my faith. I was reminded that as a believer we can make it through even the toughest of times because the Lord is carrying us through the pain. I was also reminded that because my coach and I have such a deep relationship with our kids we know where they stand spiritually and they know exactly where we stand and that makes a huge difference.

“Jobs, sports, and people will fail you. God will not. He is a righteous savior that has not, and will never fail you.”  Tweeted by Jacob on September 23, 2012.

Cheering you on,
Laurel