Am I Married to the Coach or the Pastor?

My husband and I are blessed to be a part of a wonderful church in our community and although he has changed schools several times during the years, we've been able to stay at the same church and gotten to know our pastor and his wife on a personal level. Our pastor has a love of sports and really gets and understands the role of a coach. He gets it's more than just Friday night lights and that there is a lot more to the job.  As a coach you are growing young men and women into the adults that they will be in the future.  My pastor's wife and I have discovered that our roles as a wife are very similar in nature.

Throughout the years she has learned to smile and nod as people freely give her advice on her husband's sermons. She has listened to people with little or no training in  ministry critique his every move, both at the church and out in public.  She has learned to choose her words wisely and to think before she speaks.

As the wife of a coach I have had to learn to smile and nod as people have given me advice on the defensive and special teams calls my  husband should have made.I have learned that I can't say things like, "Well, if your son would actually run the play my husband called, maybe the play would have turned out differently."  I too have had to learn to choose my words wisely and think before I speak.

Another way she and I are alike is that we "always have to be on."  Whether you've had a good day or the worst day in your life, once you hit that stadium or gym door it's time to be gracious, to smile and to act that you don't have a care in the world except for the outcome of the game.  That's when you find your fellow coaches wives give each other your secret sign  for my day has been dreadful and I really don't want to be here.  That's their cue to build you back up, hug your neck and let you know it's all going to be okay. Every wife needs to find that special friend be the wife of another coach or a trusted friend that can be there for you in that moment to quietly whisper "I've got your back" or "It's all going to be okay."  I pray that you can find that person  for you at your school.

The most important way that my pastor's wife and I are alike though is that our husbands are both in the ministry.  Now our pastor has the more traditional role of ministry as being a pastor and he spends countless hours at the church and with his congregation investing in them and making sure they know the Lord and walk with the Lord on a daily basis.  He is helping to rebuild the lives of the lost and furthering God's Kingdom. He too is gone for hours on end and works crazy hours at the cost of being away from his family, but he's doing what God has called him to do.

My husband is also in the ministry - it's just not your traditional role as pastor. Coaching is more than X's and O's. It's more that winning games.  It's a chance to dive deep into the lives of the young men and women and to be their spiritual coach as well.  On average coaches spend at least 20 hours a week with their players - just in practices, games, watching film, etc. Once you add in the hours of teaching and game planning, and all of the other duties of a coach. the work time can exceed 80 hours a week.  While they are away from their families they at school getting to know their kids on a deep and personal level.  They have the opportunity to see where these kids are spiritually and share their faith with them.  This is an amazing opportunity and it's what God has called them to do.

So you may be asking at this point - great Laurel - I see his role, but where am I in all of this?  Well, just like my pastor's wife, I'm my coach's partner in ministry.  We're in this together.  She prays for our pastor and works along side him in their care and love of their church family.  She invests in the lives of the women in our church, teaches bible study and does countless other things that most people never see because they are behind the scenes.

I pray for my coach and when I have the opportunity I help with the love and care of his players.  I write them notes of encouragement and send treats when I know it's been a hard week.  I pray for my boys that they would all come to know Jesus and that I'll have the opportunity to spend eternity with them in Heaven.. We are all God's children and I want to make sure that when I stand in Heaven that I can look around and see the faces of those players and know that I had some small part of furthering the God's kingdom.

So am I married to the coach or to the pastor?  The answer is simple.  It's yes. Yes I am.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Seasons

A few weeks ago, a sweet friend of mine was blogging about the seasons of her family in relation to the four seasons.  It got me to thinking about the seasons we have as a coaching family.  My husband coaches high school football here in Texas and is also the head track coach at his school.  While most families and society seem to move with the traditional seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter, at our house we move to the seasons of Football, Track, Spring Football and 7 on 7.

I love being married to a coach and moving in sync with the seasons of his schedule.  Yes, some days are more of a challenge then others but isn't that the case of day to day life no matter you or your spouse does for a living?  Right now at our house, football has begun.  The preseason scrimmage was yesterday and today he's up at the field house getting ready for the first game of the season.  Our Fall schedule has started and football is now on the calendar for seven days a week for at least the next 10 weeks.  Of course the goal is for him to be gone for 16 weeks and come home with a state title.  (More on that in the weeks to come.)

Some wives say goodbye to their husbands during this time and "mourn their loss."  They think of themselves as "football widows."  That's not the case in our house.  I'm clearly still married and he's still my husband.  He hasn't died, he's just focused.  Focused on his job, focused on his passion for coaching, focused on his boys and focused on the goal of winning that title.  When he is home, there is still that focus, but he's also able to focus on me - I just have to know for a while I share the focus area with something else.  It's okay to share the focus because I know there are times I make him share as well. I have a job. I have committees and volunteer opportunities and a host of other things that take my attention.

Early on in our marriage we created our ground rules or our playbook so to speak.  Our number one play in the book that we support each other in our passions and in what God has called us to do in our lives.  My husband was called to coach and to be a leader to his players and help mold them into the young men that God wants them to be both on and off the field.  Who am I to stand in the way of that calling?  I shouldn't be in the way. I should be the first to cheer him on and celebrate that he is able to follow what the Lord has planned for him.

So for this season, Football is focus at our house. Rather than sit at home and wonder what to do with myself and focus on the fact that he isn't around, I make my list and work to execute it during the next 10-16 weeks.  I find projects around the house that I can do when no one is home and wondering what I'm doing and no explanation is required. I volunteer at our church.  I write notes to his players to place in their lockers each week before the game. I do all the things I don't have time for when my coach is home and we are focused on other things like clean out that closet or cabinet.  To some it may seem a little strange, but I enjoy this season.  It's a time to refocus and accomplish all those things I keep saying "I'll get to that some day." Right now, I have a season of some days so time to take advantage.

More later, that closet is begging to be cleaned out right now.

Cheering from the stands,
Laurel