It's Just My Opinion - Not a Personal Attack

Over the past few weeks I’ve made a few comments on social media about certain football games or teams.  To me, the comments were just simple statements about who I wanted to see win a game or who I was cheering for at that moment.  The comments were never meant as an attack on a particular person or team but it seems as though this year for some odd reason even non-descript statements have been taken as a personal affront. 

I’m still trying to figure out where I went wrong when I’d make a statement like “Go X Beat Y.” After a statement like that I was accused of being disloyal, I had people put statistics of teams and specific players on my Facebook page and almost lost a friendship over a statement I made about how I thought the better team lost the game that week.

Please hear me when I say, I’m not attacking any particular player, team or coach. I’m not willing to lose a friendship over an opinion about a game or a team. I was simply stating my thoughts and opinions and I’m trying to figure out when that became wrong of me to do because someone in the world has a different opinion.

As the wife of a coach I tend to look at football games, teams and coaches in a different light than the average fan. When I’m cheering for a team it’s most likely because we have a former player playing in that game or we know the coach and sometimes his entire family. I cheer for them to succeed. I cheer for the player to do well. There are times I’ve been known to cheer for the defense of one team and the offense of the opposing team in the same game because I know kids on both sides of the ball or we know and respect the coaches of both teams. Sometimes I cheer for a specific team not because I know someone on that team but because I know that the coach on the other side of the ball promised a kid the world and then snatched the rug out from under him moments before signing day or I don’t agree with his ethics or morals so therefore I’m not really a fan of his so, I cheer for the other side.  It’s not a personal attack on you and your team. It’s just how I’ve chosen to cheer that particular day.

Somewhere the world took a turn and all of the sudden difference of opinions in the world of football are no longer accepted or even tolerated in any longer.  I grew up in Texas. I get that football has its own place in the world and that after Jesus, it’s the second religion to many but COME ON PEOPLE! Football is game and we should be teaching those around us that there’s more to life than winning or losing a game. There are many lessons to be learned on and off the field through football and we’ve lost sight of that. We used to be able to live in a house divided. Longhorns and Aggies or Rebels and Bulldogs could be friends off the field and there was a level of respect among them on and off the turf. I’m not sure why or where the tide turned but I’d like us all to find our way back to where you could make a statement about a game without someone retaliating back. Until that time comes though I promise to keep my comments on social media strictly related to the score of my husband’s high school game and the effort put forth by his team.  So, in that vein Go Coppell Cowboys! Can’t wait to see what you do next year!

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Put My Game Face On and Bite My Tongue

Not every season can be a 10-0 season. Some seasons are tougher than others. As the wife of a coach, those are the seasons where I’ve learned that as I pull into the parking lot that I need to take a deep breath and put my game face on. I’ve learned to leave my day in the car with all of its frustrations and put that all aside for three hours and focus on my sport, my team and my coach.  That’s not always been easy for me, but I know those fans have no clue as to what else is going on in my life and I also know that my life is not a priority for them. That game and that moment are what matter to them. I’ve learned that whether I think my team is in for a battle or a cake walk I have to walk into that stadium or gym with confidence and show no fear. Parents are watching and they pick up on what the wives are throwing out there. If they see me grimace or cast a look of doubt or worry, they pick up on it.

Whether my team is having a great season, a so so season or a horrible season my game face and my attitude say a lot to those fans. My coach and team are counting on me.  When they hear the fans yelling from the stands they need to know that I’ve got their back. I’ve got their back in my demeanor and actions but this is where I’ve learned to bite my tongue.  I’ve learned through the years it’s not the job of the coach’s wife to tell fans that my husband and the other coaches know what they’re doing. It’s not my job to remind the fans that so and so missed his block or blew his coverage.  My job is to cheer on my team and bite my tongue. I want to defend my coach and his fellow coaches and to defend my players, but that’s not my job.

As I’ve walked through the years with my coach I’ve observed a variety of high school and college wives to see how they navigate the art of having a game face and biting their tongues. Some choose to sit away from the fans in a box or seats away from the parents. Others sit in the stands but learn to zone out the crowd. I once knew a wife that simply handed a fan a piece of paper and pen and said just write it all down and I’ll give it to him when he comes home. (Not sure that I would recommend that strategy.) What I’ve learned is that I need to do what fits my personality best. Every wife is going to have to learn to handle the situation with what works best for her.   I’ve learned that what works best for me is to sit with a group of trusted friends, take a deep breath, pray and remember that Proverbs 21:23 where it says “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” Nothing good can come from me engaging with a fan. It’s better for me and better for my coach to keep my game face in place and bite my tongue.

So on Friday nights you’ll find me pulling into the parking lot, taking a deep breath and putting on my game face. I love my coach. I love my team. I’ll be there to cheer them on no matter what the score and no matter what the fans have to say.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

The Not So Simple Homecoming Mum

I’m not sure when it happened but sometime between 1987 and 2014 Homecoming Mums ran out of control.  If you’re not from Texas Homecoming Mums are hard to comprehend.  If you are from Texas every year that passes mums become harder and harder to comprehend. I thought maybe that it was just that I was becoming out of touch or that maybe I had grown too old to get it but as I sat in the stands last night with my fellow coaches’ wives I found that I’m not alone in my thoughts and confusion.

Mums are no longer just mums. They are no longer a simple corsage or a large flower with a few ribbons and streamers.  Mums now have become the size of billboards and involve lights, boas, bells, whistles, regular sized stuffed animals and more tinsel than you would find on a standard sized Christmas tree. There are now rules about what colors each class can have and how many of each certain item should or should not be on the mum. I jokingly asked our team chiropractor tonight if he had ever considered sponsoring homecoming.  The size of these things has got to make your back and neck feel miserable after hauling them around all day. Gone are the days when a simple corsage pin or two would work to hold your mum on your dress.  Now girls have to practically wear a harness around their neck and most likely need to work out in order to wear them. They have become so large that even when grown men put them on to see what the fuss is about they are amazed at the weight of them.

My fellow coaches’ wives and I pretty much lost focus on the game and became fascinated with what we saw. It became a game to see who could spot the biggest and the brightest. We started tallying up the price tags of the mums and figured that if we stalked up on after Christmas sale items like bows, ribbons, lights, etc. that we could start our own side business and finance vacations for all of us next year.  One wife had spotted a mum in the local grocery store that was on sale from its original $500 price and cut to $300.  You have got to be kidding me!  I realize that things are the same as they were in 1987 when I graduated high school but at that point in time $40 was a ridiculous amount to spend on a mum.  Now you want $500 for a mum?  Come on!  Where does this end? It would be one thing if this was something you were going to use again or wear again but all this for just one day at school and one night at a football game I think just seems a bit over the top. 

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the garters!  What the boys are wearing these days on their arms are larger than the mums were that we had in high school and those cost twice as much as well. 

 

I wonder if you could start a resale shop or even a rent a mum business?   Think about it. You could just swap out the ribbon with your name on it and maybe a couple of the accessories. You wear it for the day and then turn it back in after the game. You save money and you have your pictures for memories and one less thing taking up space and collecting dust in your room.  It saves your bank account and it saves the stress of all those poor moms having to run around town to gather all of the items needed to make the mum and then actual stress of putting it together or finding a crafty friend to help with the major undertaking that is mum making.

If my thoughts and observations on this subject offend you, I’m sorry.  I’m not judging you or your mum. I actually helped make a mum this year and it was pretty impressive if I do say so myself. I’m just simply amazed that a simple corsage has evolved into such a major production and financial commitment. I’m just wondering when enough is enough and it becomes too much. If you need me, I’ll be off contemplating my idea of a mum resale shop.

Cheering you on!
Laurel 

(all pictures were taken from the internet and are not actual mums from our school)

Pink Out!

Wednesday kicks off Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  For me, it’s a very important month.  My mother, her sister Jane, their Aunt Did, and their cousin have all breast cancer survivors.. This summer my mother-in-law joined their ranks as a survivor. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime.

I work  for  Susan G. Komen so that we can find a cure for breast cancer and so that hopefully my cousins and their children won’t have to experience the fight that my family members have had to experience. When I started at Komen over fifteen years ago I was fighting for my mother and my aunts.  Now that I’m older I’m seeing that it’s my friends that are now battling this disease.  A year ago my sweet friend Joy was diagnosed and I walked through her fight with her.  I’m so happy to say that she came out of the fight just as fierce as she went into it. 

By working for Komen I’ve had the honor of working alongside some of our fabulous volunteers and staff members.To me they became more than volunteers and staff they became friends. My list of survivor friends has become far too long to list (which is a fabulous thing)  But, where the fight has become all too real because it’s here that I’ve lost some friends to breast cancer. The fiends I have lost have all been close to my age and that makes the fight take on an entire different meaning for me.  I long for the day when I no longer have to see the faces of the children, husbands, partners and friends and think about the fact that we didn’t win the fight soon enough to save their loved ones.

We are winning the battles though.  Since I first started at Komen I’ve seen advances in drugs and treatments that are now helping women to win their fight. Drugs like Herceptin and Tamoxifen weren’t around fifteen years ago and thanks to fundraising and research they are now available. Targeted treatments through radiation and chemotherapy are advancing each day. We are winning the battle because if caught early and confined to the breast, there is now a 99% survival rate. 

By being the wife of a coach I love that my two worlds of work and home can collide in October. I’m thrilled to see football teams have pink out games. I’m humbled when our players ask me for pink ribbons or pink bracelets and wear pink tape. They ask me if they could wear them to honor me and my family and the other families that have been affected by breast cancer. I’m ecstatic when I walk into the gym on a Tuesday night and see our volleyball team participating in Dig for the Cure. I’m in awe each year when the girls tell me how much money they have raised for the fight against breast cancer.  I love that these teenagers are engaging in the fight at such an early age and that they are aware of this disease and how it can destroy families.  They too want to end this thing forever.  I go to work every day to fight for them.

Raising money is important and we can’t win the fight without it but another important thing that you can do is to take charge of your own health.  Talk to your doctor about when you should start clinical breast exams and mammograms.  Become aware of your breast health and know what’s normal for you. The minute something isn’t normal for you, run don’t walk to your doctor and get an opinion from your doctor. If you don’t like what you hear or still feel unsettled – get a second opinion.  It’s your health.  TAKE CHARGE!

Whether you love all the pink that you see in October or not; whether you love Susan G. Komen or not, I encourage you to take charge of your breast health and remember that fighting breast cancer is one thing that you can control for your life.  Do it for you. Do it for your family. Do it for your friends.  Schedule your appointment with your doctor and if you’re over 40 schedule your mammogram today.

Until we win this fight. I promise to keep fighting for you and for my family.  Let’s end breast cancer!

Cheering you on (all the way to get your mammogram)

Laurel

Faith, Family, Football. We Say it, but do We Mean it?

Between the NFL and the NCAA this week my heart is broken.  My heart breaks every time there is a new story in the news about a player beating his wife or girlfriend or a story about an influential player using derogatory language about women.  Then the news cycle continues about what his punishment should be and how it should be enforced.  Comments are then made about whether or not the player in question should play or be suspended. More comments are made about whether the suspension should include allowing the player to be on the sideline or at the game at all.  The commentary goes on and on. 

In all of this my question is where did things first go wrong for the athlete? Did a parent or coach or coach’s wife pass on the opportunity to guide the player towards Christ? Psalm 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Are we training these young men in the ways of the Lord?  Are we constantly pouring into them the way many of our parents poured into us?  How many times have we heard the phrase “Faith, Family, Football.”? How many of us actually put those words into practice with our athletes?

Growing up in my home scripture was a constant part of our day to day life.  There was scripture in the joyous times. There was scripture when things weren’t going according to plan. The scripture I seem to remember the most though was the scripture my mother whispered softly when I was in trouble.  The quieter she spoke and the more scripture she quoted equated to the amount of trouble was coming my way.  My mother always told me that the Lord entrusted her and my father to raise me and that she wasn’t going to stand there on Judgment Day and have to explain away her lack of action, discipline and guidance. 

For coaches and their wives who are believers, I think it’s imperative for us to remember that the Lord entrusted us with these athletes.  We need to keep in mind that one day we will stand before the throne and answer for the role we played in growing the faith of those young men. I know that there is a fine line in public schools about what we can and can’t say about our faith but I also know that the Lord will open the doors and paths to say the things that need to be said when they need to be said. My coach and I are blessed that we are in a community where we can whisper and even outright proclaim the scriptures. We also make sure those scriptures are spoken in our home when our boys are over for family dinner. I’ve been given many opportunities where I can whisper those scriptures to students that my mother once whispered to me.

If we are going to preach to them Faith, Family, Football then we need make sure that we are at the ready to train them in the ways that they should go so that they will not depart from it.  We need to make sure that their faith and actions are as strong as their athletic abilities so that when they step on the college and/or NFL stage that they are not the ones in the news for domestic violence or for derogatory actions or words. It’s up to us to make sure that they are showing the world that athletes have learned the true meaning of Faith, Family, Football and what that phrase should truly mean.  Practice what you preach and teach them well.  

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Utilize the Gifts of Your Coaches Wives

The beauty of a coaching staff is that everyone brings something unique and special talent to the table. The same holds true with the wives of the coaches.  Each wife brings with her the special talents and gifts and yes, spiritual gifts as well.  It’s important that those gifts are recognized by the other wives and then utilized for the greater good of the staff.  I Corinthians 12 4-6 says: “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. “

I was once part of staff where the wife of the head coach had a gift for recognizing those talents and then empowering each wife to use her talent in a way that benefited not only the wives but their coaches as well. Jan had the gift of watching and recognizing the gifts of the other wives and then she gave us the gift of empowering us to use those gifts.  With each wife being empowered to let their talent shine we grew closer as a unit and worked as one and by working as one were a greater asset to our husbands and to the team.

Jan immediately saw that Lisa was clearly the prayer warrior of the group.  She always made it a point to ask her to lead us in prayer, and pray for specific things for our families, our coaches and our players.  We all knew that when we needed prayer, that we could turn to Lisa and engage her to pray with us and for us.

Courtney had the clear gift of encouragement.  I remember when Jan introduced her to the staff as the cheerleader and chief encourager and we found her to be just that. You could count on Courtney to arrive in the stands with her signs and noise makers and she was always ready to get the group pumped up. You could also count on a quiet word of encouragement when she saw that you needed it and then to have special notes in the mail at just the right moment.

Jan recognized that I had the gift of organizing and she enabled me to use that gift. My first encounter with Jan was at a function where she saw me in my element of organizing and problem solving about four things all at the same time. She quietly sat back and watched me do my thing. The next week when I was introduced to the staff, I was declared the organizer and the doer. If she needed something planned or details to be worked out she simply would turn and ask and then send me into action. 

There were ten wives on that staff and each had a role and responsibility. Some were subtle and never outright mentioned as a whole to the group but we all learned to recognize those gifts and we were all empowered to use those gifts.  Seeing those gifts in each of us and encouraging us to use them was one of the greatest gifts Jan could have ever given us. It was also a gift to her as she knew that by empowering each of us to do what we did best she in turn could focus on her talents and gifts and not have to try be all things to all people. She had a staff of wives that she could lean on and support her in what she needed as well.

Whether you are the head coach’s wife or the wife of an assistant, I encourage you to stop and observe the wives around you.  Look for their special gift and then encourage them to use that gift.  It will strengthen them and it will strengthen you and the entire staff.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Settling into a new Season

Last night was our first game of the season.  I love and I hate the first game each year.  I love the excitement of a new start. I love the anticipation that you can feel on and off the field to see what the season will bring but there always seems to be something missing at the same time.  Last night that missing piece seemed larger than in the past.

Last night started our sixth season at our current school.  For the past five years I’ve grown to know the parents as well as the players.  I could point out to you where each of the parents sat and who else sat with them.  I knew their pregame and post-game routines and where to find them if I needed them. I knew where to be for post-game family photos and who would need that special word of encouragement before and/or after the game

As I entered the stands each week I knew that as I climbed the steps to Row 27 where my assigned seats were that I’d see the Hawks, the Adkins’, the Thomas’, the list could go on and on. Season tickets at our games are a precious commodity and once you had them, you held on to them as long as you had a student at the school. It was a comfort in a way to know that I would see familiar and supportive faces as I entered the stands.  I could count on hugs and well wishes being exchanged. I knew that if plays during the game didn’t go a certain way I’d get a smile or a wink from a certain dad as a way of reassurance for him and for me.

Last night however, those seats were filled with new faces.  As I entered the stands those familiar faces were replaced with new ones. I had three new safeties taking the field and I had no idea where their parents sat and the one returning safety, his mom sits in a different section so my whole world was just a little off kilter. Those families that had become a part of my Friday night routine were now spread out all over the country preparing to watch their sons take the field as college players.

I know I’ll get to know the new people in those seats on Friday. I know that one day I will feel about them like I did last night when I was missing my friends and the comfort zone they had given me.  After a few weeks it will all become routine again but those that came before them will always hold a special place in my heart.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to turn on the television and settle in for a day of watching college football.  I have a lot of former players playing today and as the adopted mother to all those boys this proud mama is going to sit back and cheer on all her boys. Glad we have every sports channel you can get. I've got a lot of channel surfing to do today.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Proud Mama!

This weekend I had the privilege to do something that most coach’s wives don’t get to do. I got to take one of my coach’s players to college and move him into his dorm. It was a proud moment on so many levels it’s hard to describe it all but I’ll try.

If you’ve read my blog before, you know that the Lord provided my coach and me children in the non-traditional format. He gave us football players.  They weave in and out of lives through their high school years and many have remained a part of our lives long after they graduate. With having football players as my children I never dreamed that I’d actually get to go shopping to outfit a dorm room or that I’d actually get to experience move in day, but this year I got to do both. 

A mom of one of our players gave me and my coach the special opportunity to take her son shopping for everything he needed to set up his dorm room.  Through the help of friends and family we gathered gift cards and cash and headed off for what I thought was a full day of shopping.  Turns out that with boys, college shopping goes at a much faster pace.  We had everything on our list in less than two hours.  I’ve known girls that spend that amount of time just picking out their bed linens. With our boy, I’d say pick a bedspread and he’s say “that one works” and he’d put it in the cart.  About halfway through the shopping list I had my coach and Troy both laughing at me. I was practically hyperventilating that things weren’t matching. They kept trying to explain to me that boys don’t care. I kept trying to explain to them that they were never going to make Better Homes and Dorms.  Again, they didn’t seem to care. I did, but I was out voted.  Two weeks after shopping I’m still fixated on the fact that the towels don’t match anything else that was chosen and my coach keeps telling me to “Let it go.” 

Yesterday Troy, his mom and a friend loaded up their car and another couple and I loaded up their car and we headed to college.  Again I was blessed that his mom graciously gave me the opportunity to be a part of this journey.  When we arrived we were met in the lobby by the coaching staff. I was able to meet the coach who explained to me that he was by “no means bragging, but he discovered Troy and had the honor of awarding him a scholarship.”  I laughed and told him “I’m not bragging but that Troy played for my coach.”  The coach went on to tell me that he thought we had a great football program at our school and he was excited to have players from our school come play for him.  That was a proud moment for me that others see the impact my coach is making and that they recognize what a great program we have.  I was one proud wife and one proud mama all at the same time.

I never thought I’d get to move “one of my children” into his dorm so this was exciting for me.  I laughed that it took five adults to move one student into his dorm. We went at it like a precision team and in no time he was completely moved in and even had pictures hung on the walls.  The towels that don’t match anything were even hung up and Troy was still laughing at me about them.   A special moment for me was when Troy pulled out our Christmas card from this year and started to put it on his bulletin board.  My heart was overjoyed that he had chosen to bring that with him.  It was even more special when I pulled out a framed copy of that photo for him and he hugged me and immediately set it by his bedside.  Then his sweet mom took the Christmas card home to put up back at their home.

Just as we finished moving him in, we looked out the window and there was a spectacular rainbow in view.  I knew it was God’s way of saying to me that He had kept his promise to me. He had given me the desires of my heart like it says in Psalm 37:4 “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I delight in Him and he gave me children.  I delight in Him and He provided me the opportunity to move my boy to college.  

As we said our goodbye we hugged and each whispered “I love you” to each other.  I held it together and didn’t cry but I can assure you there are tears running down my face as I’m writing this. I love to see how the Lord continually works in my life and provides me with those unspoken desires of my heart. 

I am truly blessed to be the wife of a coach!

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Bring on Football Season!

Seems like it was just yesterday my Coach was reintroducing himself to me and sliding back into the routine of home.  Now I’ve blinked and summer is over and he’s on his way back to football.  The countdown to kickoff is on!  Some wives say goodbye to their husbands during this time and "mourn their loss."  They think of themselves as "football widows."  That's not the case in our house.  I'm clearly still married and he's still my husband.  He hasn't died, he's just focused; focused on his job, focused on his passion for coaching, focused on his boys and focused on the goal of winning that state title.  When he is home, there is still that focus, but he's also able to focus on me - I just have to know for a while I share the focus area with something else.  

This week meetings and camps begin. My coach is back to the hours of well before sun up to after sundown. I’m back to being Ms. Independent and I’m ok with that. Now before you go jumping to conclusions about my relationship with my coach, hear me out on this.  I’m ok with it for several reasons. 

1.       We make a great team.  We’ve been married for 16 years and each of those years has involved football. The first couple of years we were writing our own playbook and learning to maneuver the ins and outs of football season and its time demands. We figured out dinners, laundry and who was responsible for what. Although the school has changed over the years, our playbook has remained the same.  We have a routine and a schedule and we go with it.  Yes, every once in a while we have to call an audible and that’s where #2 comes into play.

2.      He’s empowered me to call an audible.  Sometimes a decision has to be made and he’s not around to make it.  Seems like every season something major in the house breaks.  During season I’ve had to fix the air conditioner, the roof, the washer and the dryer, the garage door, etc. You name it; I’ve probably had to have it fixed. I let him know the issue, show him my plan of action (and how much it’s going to cost) and then I go for it.

3.      It gives me a chance to focus on my job. I work for Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Fall is a busy time for us as we prepare for October and Breast Cancer Awareness Month. In the summer I feel like my focus is torn between my job, my Coach and our home.(Not because of any pressure from my coach but from the pressure I put on myself to do everything and do it well  - but that’s a totally different blog). With him being at the field house all day and a good majority of the night, I’m more at ease to stay late and work and then head home and focus on other things.  Except for Fridays – then I totally lose focus by 3pm and go into full on coach’s wife mode.

4.      Outside of work I have time to focus on other things that make me happy.  Fall seems to be the time of year that I go into volunteer mode.  I’m constantly volunteering for something at our church or for some kind of Susan G. Komen event.  I also get to focus on my obsession with Pinterest.  One of the other coach’s wives and I pick a project or two or three or four during the season and spend our Saturday’s perfecting our latest project.  It’s a great outlet and keeps us busy while our coaches are at work.

I’ve learned throughout the years that it’s ok for him to go off to football and it’s ok for me to show my independent side a little too.  After all, I was a fully functioning adult before we met and I can still be that way sixteen years into this.  Together we make a great team.   Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”    We spend time during the off season and summer sharpening each other and then we are both ready for football season.

Praying that have spent your summer sharpening and are ready for the season ahead.  Remember there are other wives of coaches out there to support you and to lean on for help.  You’re not in this alone. So say it with me “Bring on football season!”

Cheering you on!
Laurel

God's Plan is ALWAYS Greater Than Our Own

Many people have asked or wondered why we don't have kids. Well God has the perfect plan for us! As hard as it is for us to let go of our plans, we must because God's plans are so much bigger and better than ours!

In 2006 we were asked by our pastor to share our story in front of our church. This was the first time that many of our friends and family learned of our struggles.  For some reason infertility is only spoken of in whispers.  Since this was the first time we actually spoke out loud about it and in front of several thousand people, I was a bit timid in my presentation.  Please know that now I'm much more confident in my words and actions and am confident that the Lord is using us in ways that we never could have imagined. (Plus my hair is so much cuter now - I don't know what I was thinking then.)

I hope you are blessed by our story.  We certainly have been!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQEPv-51k7Y&feature=share

Hello, My Name is Coach and I’m Your Husband

“Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Coach and for the summer I’ll be home and playing the role of your husband.”   Of course it doesn’t go exactly like that but there have been times when a thought like that has crossed my mind as that final bell rings for summer vacation.  My coach is home and now I need to adjust my weekly and daily routines to fit him into the flow of daily life at our house. You see, the summer routine here isn’t much different than the school year routine. I don’t teach school so there’s no summer off for me.  For my coach, it’s like merging into a steady flow of traffic on a crazy highway.

Every morning I’m still getting up and headed out the door to work. My coach is great and gets up with me. I think he knows it’s in his best interest. I’m not what you’d call a good sport about the fact that he’s home and I’m headed out the door to work. (I understand that I choose not to go into education but trust me, that decision was in the best interest of all students everywhere and in the best interest of my sanity.) I’m at the office for eight hours a day and then still run my errands, figure out what’s for dinner and continue on with my normal routine. The only change for me is that I’m not stopping by the field to watch a game or practice.

I love summer in that fact that I’ve stored up my “honey do” list for months and have these few weeks to hand over my list and see if it all magically gets done. I do understand however that there is still 7 on 7, there are still camps to be run and yes, there’s still Coaching School in July but between all of that there are a few moments when I actually have a husband at home and have what people outside of coaching call “a normal life.”   We have dinner together more than two nights a week. The amount of laundry goes down immensely since he’s not changing four times a day between athletics and teaching and back again. The neighbors figure out my husband isn’t just a figment of my imagination. We are able to schedule dinners with friends and family more than 24 hours in advance. It’s a whole new world or should I say a whole different world. It’s different because it’s just for a few weeks and then we go back to “our normal.” 

What helps us ease into summer normal is the fact that we attend Coaches Outreach every year. We go the first full weekend he’s out of the summer. Coaches Outreach holds marriage retreats each summer for coaches and their spouses.  It’s a great time to reconnect and remember that there is life outside of sports and there’s a life together. My coach put it really well when he once told a friend, “You go to clinics to work on your coaching skills and you should go to Coaches Outreach to work on your marriage skills.”  So our first stop as he begins merging on to the highway of home is to stop and refuel and read the marriage roadmap. Ok – that’s a bit corny but it works for what I’m trying to say.

Summer is fabulous and time with my coach is awesome and watching things get checked off that list is great, but check back with me in July.  I’ll be ready for Coaching School and for him to head back to practice and get back to “our normal.”  After all in Texas it’s all about football and for me, it’s all about being the wife of the coach.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Coaches Should Come with Warning Labels

I’m sure there are surprises with each couple that gets married but along with those basic items I think if you marry a coach he should come with a warning label.  

WARNING:  Football is a 365 day a year sport
Alright ladies, you should be fully aware of this one before you walk down the aisle. Football isn’t just for 10-15 weeks during the actual football season. Oh no!  It’s 52 weeks a year. There’s spring football, 7 on 7, summer workouts, the actual season, off-season, etc. My coach has practices, coaches meetings, parent meeting, phone calls from coaches, phone calls from players, phone calls from parents, you name it – he’s got it.  While family and faith are his ultimate priority, football is a member of our family. As long as the balance stays in place it’s all good and my coach is great at keeping that balance.

WARNING:  Coach may call plays in his sleep.
This one was a complete shock and almost scared me to death in the middle of the night. All of the sudden I hear someone yelling and repeating the same thing over and over.  As I begin to wake up I realized that my coach was calling plays.  Over the years I’ve noticed that the bigger the game and the more stress there is for the week, the more play calling I’m going to hear.

If there is a particular player or players that are having a rough week or not practicing to full potential he will also start calling them out in his sleep.  I know exactly who is not happy with and who needs to step up their game.  Several years ago there had been an extended period over a couple of weeks of him yelling in his sleep at his players.  I happened to be up at the field house as the boys were coming up from the practice field.  As they stop by to say hello I had a little huddle of my own with them.  I told them I wasn’t sure what was going on but they better step it up because I needed sleep.  The next night all was right with the world again.

WARNING:  His ankles will be ghostly white while the rest of his body is at least 12 shades darker.
I love my coach and think he is the cutest thing on earth, but yes during the summer his feet are kind of scary. Because he is out in the sun so much and wearing his athletic shoes and socks his feet never see the light of day.  When we first got married I kept threatening to put self-tanning lotion on his feet while he was sleeping.  Yeah, that thought didn’t go over too well.  At least now I’ve convinced him to wear flip flops on occasion to even out the color a bit.  They will never completely even out without the self-tanning lotion but at least we are making progress and I’ve gotten over the scariness of his Casper feet.

WARNING:  He will talk football anywhere with anyone.
The moment someone hears that my coach is a Texas High School football coach I know I’m in for a 20 minute conversation about football. It doesn’t matter if we are in a restaurant, at church or even on a cruise football will be discussed.  There’s a fascination with the game and with Friday night lights. When we first got married this frustrated me, but over the years I’ve learned to be happy with the moment. I love that people love what my husband does for a living. I love that there are questions and conversations about his role and the game. After all, how many people do you hear saying oh, you’re an accountant or oh you’re an account executive how fascinating? Nope, probably not going to happen.
  

With all of these warnings I still wouldn’t want to be married to anyone other than my coach. It’s never a dull moment and always keeps me on my toes. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

WARNING: I’m the wife of a coach and I love it!

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Take a Minute to be a Blessing

Social Media has its ups and its downs. I’m a firm believer in it’s in how you use it and what you do with the information it provides you. Over the past several weeks I’ve seen a lot of people walking through some really tough times in their lives. The only way I knew about these hurts and health issues was because of social media. Friends have posted about losing a loved one or being in the hospital was some very serious issues. My initial response was to do what many people do and just post a response back of “I’m praying for you.” That got me to wondering, how many people say “I’m praying for you” but how many actually stop and pray.  In today’s society has that phrase become a lot like “How are you?” and everyone responds back with “I’m good.”  It’s just become automatic.  It had for me. At some point it just became the automatic statement that I’d type or that would just fall out of my mouth.  A few weeks ago I realized that had to stop. As I was posting to a friend, “I’ll pray for you and your family,” I actually stopped and prayed right then and there and it only took a minute.

As the week continued I was challenged to find others ways to reach out and support my friends and our athletes. We had one athlete who was having an extended stay in the hospital. My coach and I had Tweeted with him and had been praying for him but I knew we needed to brighten his day and the day of his sweet mom who hadn’t left his side, so I sent flowers.  That phone call to the florist only took a minute but yet its impact was huge.

Every day there is someone you know that is walking through something in their life that is causing them to hurt or be discouraged. As the wife of a coach that world of hurts and discouragement expands beyond the traditional group of friends and family to those of the athletes and their families as well.  The challenge then lies in finding out who is hurting and how you can help to make a difference. I’ve found through the years that sitting in the stands in and around the parents I can hear what’s going on in the lives of the athletes off the field. I also follow them on Twitter. It’s amazing what you can learn on Twitter. When I hear or see those things that are impacting the life of the student I stop right then and pray for him/her and then will even Tweet back a word of encouragement and to let them know he/she is being prayed for.   It only takes a minute and the athlete knows that you love and care for him/her both on and off the field and the realization is made that my coach and I want to be a part of his/her life always and not just while they are in season of their particular sport.

This week I got to see that lasting connection in action. As the college kids are coming home from school they are stopping by to say hello and some are even coming “home” for dinner. My coach and I got to have family dinner with two former athletes this week.  It was fun to see how much they have grown up and was also heartwarming that they were looking to us for advice.  This was because we had invested in them while they were in high school and they understood that that investment didn’t stop on the last play of the game their senior year.  They are a part of our family forever.

Hurts don’t stop just because the season does. Our athletes become our children. It doesn’t matter if you played a certain position on the team what matters is that you were on the team and the team is family.  So I encourage you to look out for athletes and to take a minute to pray, Tweet, send a note, send flowers, or send something. Just take a minute to do what needs to be done and don’t just make the automatic statement of “I’ll pray for you.” Actually do it and the watch the difference that it makes.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

It's Almost Mother's Day

If you’ve read my blog before you know that I don’t have physical children of my own but I have an entire high school filled with athletes that I think of as my children.  After coaching for seventeen years my coach has worked with hundreds of athletes and we think of each and every one of them as if they were our own.

As Mother’s Day approaches, after all these years, my heart still aches a bit that I’m not a mother in the “traditional” sense of the word.  The ache has eased through the years, but it’s still there. There will always be moments and experiences that I will never get to have like I would if I had my own children. But, please hear me when I say that I'm not writing this to gain sympathy or for you to feel sorry for me. For years I did feel sorry for myself and that got me nowhere but deeper in my misery. Over time though, I have learned that the Lord has a special purpose for me in this world and I need to set my focus on him and that purpose. That purpose is supporting my husband as he teaches and coaches all of those athletes and knowing that what he does isn’t just a job but it’s a ministry and it’s a ministry in which I can play a major role.

A sweet friend reminded me this week that I am still a mother though, and that I have played that role to all of those teenage young men who have crossed our path these past seventeen years. I was also reminded by one of those boys this week.  He’s at a cross-road in his life and the first people he reached out to for guidance and support were me and my coach.  He’s been away at college for two years now, and yet he still knew that he could call us and that we would be there for him.  When he gets home from school next week, he’s coming to dinner so I can cook for him and so that my coach can assure him that it’s all going to be alright.  He’s even requested a special dessert that I make. This makes my heart happy. 

I’ve noticed that past few days that several of my friends have been posting life lessons and phrases that their mothers taught them and that they now teach their kids. Since I don’t get to share my motherly advice on a daily basis I thought I’d put my “Motherisms” down in writing to share with you all. 

• Always remember who you are and whose you are. 
• As long as you live, always be yourself. No other. Just you!
• Your best ability should always be flexibility.
• Never miss an opportunity to say I love you.
• Know that you are a child of the King
• A little dirt never hurt anyone
• God created our sense of humor. Don't be afraid to use it!
• Always extend grace. You have no idea the hurt someone is carrying around with them.
• Concentrating on helping others helps you forget your own hurts.
• Take time to listen to what the Lord is trying to tell you. Life is so much better when you follow his lead.

      Many of these were taught to me by my mother and others I've learned along the way. I hope they are things that you can apply to your own life or that you can pass along to those you love. Life is a grand adventure and our plans are not always God’s plans, but one lesson I keep learning over and over is that His plans are always the best plans. My daily goal is to keep striving to keep my focus where it belongs.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

He’s Never Really out of Season

After almost sixteen years of marriage you’d think I’d learn not to giggle or flat out laugh out loud when I hear a parent or friend say “Well at least he will be home now that the season is over.”  Monday night at the track banquet was the most recent time I heard this.  I just smiled and said, “Yes, spring football doesn’t start till day after tomorrow.”  Then I received the same puzzled look that I usually receive after statements like that and we changed the subject.

For coaches and their families, there is never a clear definition between seasons.  For my coach our schedule goes like this:

July – December: Football (at least we better be playing in December)
January – May: Track
May: Spring Football
June – July: 7 on 7 (while he's not actually coaching, it doesn't stop him from going and watching)

And so it goes. One stops and the other immediately picks up in its place.  With playoffs and district, area, regional and state meets there’s a chance that my coach just like many others could actually be coaching two sports at once.  That’s always a fun time in the field house and at home.  Then you add in the after season banquets and you never know which way to which sport or event you are supposed to be headed. Thank goodness we installed a family calendar in the kitchen so we can post where we are supposed to be and when you are supposed to be there.

I recall one year when my coach had to be at “his second sport” for a game the same night as the football banquet. That night we divided and sort of conquered. He went to coach and I went to the banquet – hence the sort of conquer. I wasn’t the best substitute but at least I was there to answer the question “Where’s coach?”

If you’re married to a coach you learn to understand this and learn to adapt. At our house we have the family calendar meeting on Sunday. We write everything on the board and then discuss how to attack the week. Many weeks there is a divide and conquer mentality. Take this weekend for instance. The deck in our backyard is in desperate need of repair. We have a guy coming to do an estimate and due to a scheduling conflict earlier in the week, he had to reschedule for today. So rather than join my coach at an event this morning at the school, I’m home waiting for the deck guy. When the air conditioner went out last fall, I was the one waiting for the repair guy. These are just two examples of times when my coach is at work and I arrange to be home to deal with the issue.

There will always be an issue and there will always be a season. My mother always said “Your best ability should be flexibility.” My mother has taught me more than I can imagine in life but this is one lesson that I apply on a DAILY basis being married to a coach. Some days we call and audible and adjust. The season and the game never stop and neither do we.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

I’m going to Prom!!!

Yes, you read that correctly.  Just days away from my “fortyish” birthday I’m headed to prom.  Growing up and attending First Baptist Academy we didn’t have prom.  My first prom was actually on my 30^th birthday.  All of the coaches and wives dressed up, went to dinner and then went to prom.  When we got there the football boys sang happy birthday to me.  It was one of my favorite coaching and birthday memories.

Every year since then, we have attended prom.  I love it!  It’s so much fun to see all of the boys dressed up with their beautiful dates on their arms.  There are some I have to do a double take to recognize them. I’m used to seeing them all hot and sweaty and sporting a number on their chest.  On prom night, they are clean, showered, shaved and looking like young men.  Watching the boys introduce their dates to me and to coach always makes me smile. It’s fun to see the girls in their dresses and to see what fashion flair the boys try to add to their tuxes.  It's fun to stand at the entrance with a couple of the other wives and watch the fashion show as they parade in.

Without fail on the night of prom someone always says “I can’t believe y’all are here.” My coach and I always respond, “Why not?  We love coming to prom!”  We think it’s important for the kids to see us outside of the gym or the field. We want them to know that we are there to be a part of their whole life, not just the athletic part of their life.  It’s fun to be able to share memorable moments with them.  By this point in the year, we’ve said goodbye to them on the football field and on prom night we begin saying goodbye to them as seniors.  It’s the first official event of the graduation season.  For that reason, I love it and I hate it all at the same moment, but more on that another day.

One of my favorite moments each year is when I finally coheres my coach onto the dance floor.  We get out there with the kids and dance a little.  They all laugh and make a few comments about coach and his moves and he laughs along.  I don’t know why, but they are always surprised that he’s a pretty good dancer. It’s good for them to see him let loose a little and that there’s more to him behind that whistle and big voice. He’s actually a lot of fun and can have a good time. I think he’s a great date and by far the cutest guy there.

So I’m off to get my nails done and make sure my little black dress is ready to go.  I’ll see you on the dance floor!

Cheering you on!
Laurel

How Did I Get to be the Oldest???

So I’m not exactly sure when it happened. I can’t pinpoint the exact time or the exact date, but it happened. Somewhere along the way, I went from being the youngest and newest married member of our coaching staff to, ummm how do I phrase this,  the most experienced in both age and wisdom on our staff.  Yes, you read it correctly, I’m now the oldest wife on the staff and my coach and I have been married longer than any of our coaching couples.  Where did the time go? 

They say time flies when you are having fun.  For me and my coach that is exactly what has happened.  Time has flown.  I feel like it was just yesterday that we got married, had our honeymoon and arrived home to reality. Literally the day after we arrived home the defensive coordinator was knocking on our door and whisking my coach off to Coaching School.  I believe Coach Lawrence’s exact words were” Kiss him goodbye. He’s mine now till then end of the season.”  It’s hard to believe that was 16 seasons ago.

 

 

I’ve learned a lot in those 16 seasons. Now that I’m, how shall we say it, the most experienced wife of the staff, I feel it’s my time and my duty to pass on what I have learned to the newest set of wives. When we first got married, we weren’t on a staff that had many wives. The wives that we did have weren’t what you’d called experienced so I had to learn a lot of things the hard way.  My first lesson was that you can’t turn around and tell a parent that is yelling at your husband “Well, if your son would actually run the play my husband called, that might not have happened.”  Nope! Don’t do it. Don’t say it.  You can think it. But, don’t you dare say it out loud. 

Lesson number two – long hours.  Yes, your husband is going to work long hours.  Don’t complain.  Don’t do it.  He’s pouring into the lives of those young men.  For some he is a father. For others he is a coach. For others he is a pastor.  For some he is the one and only Jesus that player may ever see.  He is doing what the Lord called him to do.  He is fulfilling his passion in life. Don’t be the barrier.  Yes, I get that you may have children at home that need him and yes, you need him to, but if he is doing what the Lord has asked him to do, then the Lord will make time for ALL of it. 

Lesson three – get involved!  If you are frustrated by the hours or you are wondering what’s going on – go find out.  Go to practice and watch.  Watch him pour into those athletes.  Watch where his time and energy go.  Take an active role.  Have his position players over to dinner.  Write them notes of encouragement.  Bake some cookies and have your kids decorate them and send them up to the team. Be there on Friday night.  Win or lose , hug  your coach and hug his players.  Pray for all of them.  It goes a long way with both your coach and your players.   Invest in them and you will see the blessings both on and off the field.

Lesson four – get to know the parents.  Listen to what’s going on in the stands. Introduce yourself to the parents. Let them see that you are there and that you are invested in the program. Let them see that you care not only about your coach but that you care about their son as well.  Get to know what’s going on at home. I learned early on that things at home affect the outcome of the field. If there’s an issue with mom or dad sometimes the player doesn’t let the coach know. We once had a kid who’s mom had breast cancer. The player was so worried about his mom that it was affecting his grades, his behavior and his time on the field. Once I found that out and shared it with my coach, we were able to minister to the player and his family in a completely different manner.

 

Lesson five – the season may be over, but football never is.  Some people think football is a few months and then it’s over.  Football is a part of your life, every day of every year.  It’s not just a season.  I HATE those plaques, napkins, signs and whatever else that say “We interrupt this marriage for football season.”  Ladies I’m here to tell you it’s a part of your marriage.  Just like you are, the Lord is, your family is, Football is a part of your marriage.  It’s there 365 days a year.  Why, you ask?  Because it’s his passion, it’s his job and it’s what he’s called to do. Also, because it's a part of who he is.  Football is there.  Embrace it. Enjoy it.  The moment you don’t is the moment it becomes a sore spot in your marriage.  I encourage you to embrace it and become a part of it.

Lesson six – take time to work on your marriage and re-engage with each other. My coach has always said that you attend football clinics to learn new tactics and new plays, you should do the same with your marriage.  I encourage you to go to a marriage retreat and invest in each other. Take a weekend away from football, away from your kids, away from the everyday tasks in life and spend quality time together in God’s word.  Take a weekend and go to a Coaches Outreach or FCA retreat.  Reconnect with each other and invest time in the WORD  and in each other.  Remember why you fell in love and remember that the Lord is the foundation of your marriage.  Spend time together in Him and let his blessing s flow.

I could go on and on and I’m sure other blogs will have more lessons but these are the foundation that have seen me and my coach through our first sixteen seasons. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for our next sixteen and beyond.

Cheering you on!
Laurel