The Unknown Season

 

Every season starts with the unknown. The unknown of how well the team will play this year. The unknown of what will the win loss record look like. The unknown of how many hours will be spent at the field house vs. at home. The unknown list seems to be endless this time of year.

For the past two seasons I’ve been learning my new role as the wife of an AD and what that looks like since my coach no longer has just one team, He has all the teams in his school district. So just as I figured out those unknowns in my world, we are adding a new unknown factor to our house. The unknown factor of how my breast cancer diagnosis, surgery and treatment will affect our season.

KP was a defensive coach all the years that he coached football so of course we both went into defensive mode. What’s our game plan? How do we defend against this new opponent? What’s our best plan to defeat breast cancer and walk off the field victorious?

Working for Susan G. Komen for 25 years does have its benefits. My co-workers immediately joined my team and set me up with the best coaches/doctors for my type of breast cancer. Almost three years ago the Lord called us to San Antonio. He was setting up the plan and the defense. Komen told me the best place for me with my type of breast cancer was here in San Antonio. The doctors have been fantastic, and we have a great game plan.

On Friday, September 13 I will have a bilateral (double) mastectomy, and we will start the reconstruction process. Of course, surgery is scheduled for a game day, but hey – I’m a coach’s wife and we are used to challenges. My coach will be with me every step of the way and has even promised to not go running off to the game when I’m out of surgery. That’s the blessing of AD and not coach.

What’s next after surgery is still an unknown. We won’t know until a couple of weeks after surgery if I’ll need chemotherapy and if so, how much and how long the treatments will run. I guess to put it in football terms, we have to wait to see the outcome of the first game to determine how the rest of the season will go.

What I do know is that there are challenges every season. Some challenges are on the field and some challenges are at home. This year the challenges for us will be at home, but we are in it as a team. On and off the field we are a united front and we have 25 years of teams and 25 years of fans routing for us. We also have an awesome God how is the great physician and ultimate healer.

Thank you for cheering us on. Thank you for praying for us and thank you for being our biggest fans.

Cheering YOU on!
Laurel

Four Words

 

I never knew that four words could make such a difference in our marriage but they do.  My coach and I have been married for almost 24 years and I truly believe that four words have made a very impactful difference on our lives. We first heard those words when we were going through premarital counseling. 

I had known Mr. and Mrs. Shaw pretty much my entire life. They had four children and in age I was in between the first and second in age. I loved the Shaw family and was excited that when we signed up for premarital counselling at our church that our mentor couple was the Shaws.

In one of our sessions they mentioned four words that saved them from many heated conversations or actual fights. Those four words were JUST LISTEN. DON’T FIX.  Wow!  When I heard those words I had no idea what an impact they would have on our relationship. 

Think about it from his perspective. As a coach they are ALWAYS in fix mode. Problem with an athlete. They fix it. Problem with a parent. They fix it. Problem with administration or a teacher. They step in and help to fix it. Game plan not going according to game plan. They immediately try to fix it. They adjust. They look at the big picture. They try to fix it.

Why would it be any different when they walk through the door at home?  They see a problem. They hear a problem. They try to fix it. It’s in their DNA as men. It’s in their DNA as a coach. They want to fix it! Problem is, sometimes we as the wife of the coach don’t want them to fix it. We just want to vent. We need someone that is not our child, not our co-worker, not our mom to just hear us. We need to vent. We need to word vomit. We need to get it out in the open. BUT, when they hear us, they are in husband mode. They are in coach mode. They want to fix it!

So how do we let it all out and not be frustrated when they go into coach mode and try to game plan or fix it?  We need to stop and say JUST LISTEN. DON’T FIX.  Once we say those magic words that’s their queue to stop and process and say NOTHING. 

I’m not gonna sugar coat this or lie.  I know there are a million thoughts running through my coach’s mind with ways that he would solve my problem or fix my issue, but those four words make him stop from spouting out all of his ideas and solutions. If I say the magic four words he gets the cue to stop and just listen.  It’s when I forget to say the four words that all sorts of frustrations set it. Working for Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, I live in the world of estrogen and breast cancer. He lives in the world of athletics. I don’t need his thoughts or game planning of how to fix my world. I  just need a non-biased ear to hear me and allow me to let all my frustrations out. Four magic words make all the difference.

So, if you find yourself in a spot where you just need to say everything that’s racing through your head or even when you have a day when just need a break from all that is your reality, make sure when your coach walks in the door, before you just word vomit or unleash all that you’ve been holding in, STOP. Talk a moment, and they say hey, “Just listen. Don’t Fix.”  You’ll both feel better at the end of the conversation.  Granted, he may still want to fix, BUT he won’t say it out loud, and you’ll both be better for it.

Cheering YOU on!

Laurel

2020 The Year That Just Keeps Giving

 

I’m pretty confident that I can say that 2020 was not the year that any of us expected that it would be. As each new year dawns everyone has high expectations that the new year will be amazing. The new year will bring new opportunities. The new year will be better than the last. January and February were okay but then March hit and it seems it was just downhill from there for everyone. It was the 2020 version of Dante’s Inferno or for those not familiar with that, the new levels of Jumanji. Each month brought a new level that we could have never imagined.

As the wife of a track coach, we were just hitting our groove in track season and the BLAM! COVID hit and our season was over. We were on pace to hopefully win our district four years in a row which would have been an AMAZING accomplishment. We thought we had several kids that were on pace to make it to state. My husband and awesome coach was supposed to be honored at the state track meet as the state track coach of the year. All gone thanks to COVID.  I watched my coach try to teach virtually and even try to coach football on a laptop in our backyard while trying to engage with his players and teach fundamentals and execute techniques via Zoom. I’m sure the inventors of Zoom never imagined it would be used for football practice.

As employee for a large nonprofit we were excited about what the year had an in store for us and were looking forward to phenomenal opportunities and then BLAM! COVID hit. Our world was turned upside down and we were in for a major reorganization along with two rounds of layoffs and changes in pay and benefits. Coworkers that I had been a part of my work and personal life for many years were affected by the changes and that was just the Spring.

Summer came with major issues of entirely new level that in and of itself were enough for any one year all its own. Yet we couldn’t concentrate on just those issues, we still had to deal with COVID and how was affecting our everyday life.

Then Fall came with an entire new set of challenges. School was virtual and school was in person. We all questioned if football season was going to happen and if it did, what would it look like. I just kept praying that we could have some form of normalcy during 2020 and that we could have a football season. In Texas the smaller schools were allowed to kick off their season in August. For the larger schools our schedule was delayed but at least it was going to happen. Each night I would again pray that we could have a season and that our coaches and our boys could navigate this crazy time and get to play a regular season. Each week we held our breath to see if the other team could play or would we have to miss a week. Our coaches became experts in contact tracing, including who sat where at lunch and in class, who went up against who in practice and even who rode to school together. Trying to keep everyone safe and healthy.

 I was used to coaches calling coaches on the way home from school to discuss practice and the day to day activities. I was used to coaches calling coaches during dinner to discuss practice schedules, grades, etc. but now there was a new factor. Who sat next to who during lunch? How far away was player X from student Y in the classroom? There was a whole new level of anxiety in air.

I just kept counting down the games and the weeks. I just kept counting down the work meetings and the changes in the organization. I just kept thinking if we can only make it to Christmas break then we are home free and can run away for a week and escape all of this for a week and just have a break from reality. This year our break from reality wasn’t meant to be. 2020 reared its ugly head again and the decision was made to stay home and not escape reality, at least for right now. For right now, we are home. Celebrating the fact that we actually got to have a season. Celebrating the fact that we made it playoffs and that our boys that we didn’t think would even get a season got an extra week to play. Celebrating the fact that we both still have jobs. Celebrating that our family and friends are near and that we are blessed to have another Christmas with them on this earth. We may not be able to gather in person, but the fact that we are all still on this earth together is a blessing.

2021 will bring new opportunities and most likely a new set of anxieties and new questions about athletic seasons continuing or happening at all and all of the stresses of work but, there is one thing for certain. We serve and awesome and mighty Lord who has great things in store for us all.  I Peter 5:7 reminds us to “cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.”  So here I stand at the end of 2020 constantly casting my anxieties to Him knowing that He cares for me and He cares for you. Whatever is there with us in 2021 or before us, our Lord will see us through.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Cheering you all on!
Laurel

Let’s Laugh and Let’s Do This!

 

Last August my coach and I were interviewed for a podcast. During the interview I was asked what my favorite Bible verse was. I have several that I love, but the one that came to mind was Proverbs 31: 25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.” I explained that as the wife of a coach I thought it was a great life verse because no matter what happens during the season whether, it’s good, bad or ugly, I can smile and know that God is in control and I don’t have to worry about the future because He already knows the future. I also teased that I love that verse because it talks about how the Proverbs 31 women is clothed and I love clothes and I also love to laugh. Reflecting back on that podcast makes me smile. I rattled off the verse and believed everything I said about it. What I didn’t know was that just a few months later I would be quoting that verse and claiming it daily thanks to events of 2020 and COVID-19.  

Now it’s a year after that podcast and I’m claiming my life verse in a new way. This time of year, we are used to settling into a routine of long hours, a million items on the calendar along with the excitement of what the season is going to bring. This year is different. It’s so different. It’s different in every way possible. At our house by now we would have had family photos, media day, a get together with all of the coaches’ families. Season tickets would have been passed out. Field turf pellets would be all over the floors of the house. I’d know who our position players would be.  The list goes on and on of what should be at this point in August, but it’s 2020 and nothing is the same.

It’s August 2020 and the routine that we have had for 22 years is suddenly different. It’s August and we don’t even know if we are getting to have football practice when school starts next week. It’s August and we don’t even know if we are going to get to have a football season. It’s August and we don’t know all the new rules and procedures for school or for athletics. It’s August and we just don’t know.

Not knowing is hard. Not knowing is frustrating. We are used to having a routine. We are used to having a game plan.

We do know some things though and those things are comforting. We do know that our athletes still need us both on and off the field and that we can play an integral part in helping them as we all figure this out. We do know that we want what’s best for our students and athletes. We do know that we are all in this together. We do know that there are coaches’ wives across the nation praying for each other as we walk through these uncharted times together. We do know that during this time our best ability is going to be flexibility because every day things are going to change.

But most importantly thanks to Proverbs 31:25 we know that we are clothed in strength and dignity and that we can laugh without fear of the future. We can claim that because we know who holds the future! Our awesome God holds the future and He holds us. 

So, ladies let’s laugh and let’s do this! We’ve got this because He’s got us!

Cheering you on,
Laurel

To the Class of 2020

This is not the year we dreamed for you.

we dreamed of you getting to compete.

we dreamed of walking with you through victories and defeats.

we dreamed of getting to spend saturdays at the track with you.

we dreamed of watching you run, jump and throw.

we dreamed of watching you reach for your dreams and goals.

we dreamed of getting to celebrate you.

we dreamed of getting to say a proper goodbye.

this year none of those things were able to happen.

however, there are some things that will never change.

you are and always will be a coppell cowboy.

you will always have a place at our dinner table.

we will always just be a phone call or text away.

you will always be loved and always be supported by us.

you will always be considered family.

our door and our hearts will always be open to you.

we will miss you.

Coach Pointer and mama p.

It’s Not Always 50/50

A few weeks ago, one of our younger coaches was getting married. While at lunch he took the opportunity to ask several of the coach’s wives about our best marital advice. Several wives gave their thoughts. When it came time for one wife to speak she said something profound that had been told to her once.  Marriage is not always 50/50. Our young coach looked at her with eyes wide open and said can you explain that a little more, so we did.

When you go into marriage you’re in love and you think everything is going to be wonderful. We are going to share everything. We will share the chores. We will share the cooking and the cleaning. We are so in sync right now and always will be. Then after the wedding the real world sets in and it’s not as perfect as you dreamed. You’re not sharing everything 50/50. And that’s ok.

I think the wives of coaches might learn this faster than anyone else learns this. Marriage is not always 50/50. Sometimes it’s 60/40 or 75/25 and yes there are times that it’s 99/1 and again that’s ok.  When your coach is in season and dealing with all that goes on at school, in they gym or on the field it’s a challenge for him to hit that 50/50 mark at home. Your percentage starts to grow as you deal with all that’s going on in your job, with the kids and at home. We all know that if something major is going to break like the car, the air conditioner, the water heater, etc., it’s going to break while he is in season and it’s going to be our job to deal with it on top of everything else that you are dealing with already. You may feel that he’s at 1% and you’re at 99%.  This is part of marriage. It’s not as if you are or your coach are choosing to only be 20% or 50% or any specific percentage. The percentage that you or he has to give to your relationship may be dictated by what’s going on with your job, with your children or with your family.

In our house as his season begins to wind down, my busy time at work starts to pick up. Here’s where are scale starts to slide in his direction and begins to even out bit more. As his hours at the field house get shorter my days at work get longer. My job recently shifted a bit and while he’s in the midst of regionals and state for track and beginning spring football, I’m also in a busy time. Neither one of us are hitting our mark of 50%.

By now you’re probably reading this and thinking no, it’s not ok, but hear me out. It’s ok because we work together to make it ok. My coach and I make it a point that in the midst of all our craziness we do stop and take a time out with other to connect and talk. We share what’s going on at work and at home. We share with each other that one of us is frustrated and that our scale is starting to get a bit out of balance. We listen to what the other one has to say and then find ways TOGETHER that we can reset the scale.  Did you see that word in the last sentence? TOGETHER. That’s the key ingredient. You have to work together to reset the scale. This may mean locking yourselves in your bedroom away from other distractions or taking a walk around the block but do whatever you need to do to have that conversation to reset. Don’t let your frustrations build to point that’s there’s no going back. Long before that happens take a moment to reset and refocus.

Refocus on the important things in your life. Refocus on your spiritual life. Are one or both of you out of balance with your relationship with God? If so, make that a point to rebalance that relationship first and you’ll be amazed at how fast other things start to balance themselves. Refocus on why you fell in love with your spouse. Concentrate on those attributes. Talk with each other. Pray with each other. Pray for each other. Focus on the good. When the scale is out of balance are you saying things that will build your spouse up or are you saying things that will tear them down?  What are you doing to help reset that scale? Marriage isn’t always easy and it’s certainly not always 50-50 but it can be one of the best blessings of your life.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Extra Grace Required

Now that we are deep into football season and everyone has hit district play the stakes are higher and the stress levels are climbing daily. Several coaches’ wives across the state have reached out to me directly and I’ve seen them post in groups for coaches’ wives about how to deal with fans and their reactions to a bad play or a losing season. Let’s first establish that there is no easy way and it’s a skill and art form that you have to learn on your own.  We’ve been doing this coaching thing for 21 years now so I’ve learned a thing or two over the years. So please take it from me when I say, turning around to the fan and saying “Well, if your son would run the play my husband called” is not in your best interest.  That’s when I learned to bite my tongue.

A few years ago, we had a head coach that had the mantra of Extra Grace Required or EGR for short. This phrase has stayed with me and over the years has grown to be a part of my everyday vocabulary both at work and in stands on Friday nights.

As I began thinking about this blog, I asked a few pastor friends of mine for their definition of grace. David said, “I usually refer to grace as receiving the good you don't deserve (as opposed to mercy where you don't get what you do deserve).”  Alan expanded on David’s definition and said “We often substitute mercy for grace. In my ministry context being nonjudgmental is a must. Since I have no judgement to give, allowing people however messed up their lives may be to "come as they are" feels more like the grace I want to give because it's been extended to me.”

So now you’re probably thinking ok, that’s nice but what does it have to do with that angry fan in the stands? Well, here’s what I think. My coach and I approach his job as a ministry. He’s ministering to those young men on and off the field. I have the opportunity to minister to those fans in the stands. Many know who I am and the majority of the crowd knows that I’m sitting with the other coaches’ wives and our families. I’ve actually seen some turn our way when something goes wrong on the field. They are seeing how I react. When someone is yelling something hateful about the coaches, others turn to watch my reaction and the reaction of the other wives. Here’s where EGR comes in.  Rather than engaging and responding back like I once made the mistake of doing, now I take a deep breath and just whisper EGR.  I have to stop and think judgement is not mine to give. I need to extend grace to this fan. I have no idea where he’s coming from. I have no idea what battle he is personally fighting. What I do know is that my actions toward him speak volumes. What I choose not to say says more than any words spoken.

Proverbs 21:23 (NIV) says “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”  Y’all trust me, I’ve seen calamity and it’s not pretty.  Learn from my mistakes. I know for some this is easier said than done. I have one friend that started taking her lawn chair and sitting in the end zone so that she was removed from the situation rather than biting her tongue off in the stands. Another wife was able to move to the back row and in the corner so that she didn’t have to be surrounded by the fans. If that’s not possible surround yourself with other wives or friends that you can help each other if the situation arises. One night I was so frustrated and ready to say something but before I could my sweet friend quietly said to me “Maybe you need to read your own blog.” I took a deep breath and giggled since I’ve written on this topic before. Find what works for you and do it and just whisper EGR.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Blessed are they that Mourn

I remember it like it was yesterday. I don’t always remember the actual date but somehow my heart does. I get weepy. I get sad. Then I look at the calendar and think well now it all makes sense. It’s the day we lost Jacob. The day our world changed. That day was five years ago today. As with all tragedy it’s hard to see God working in the moment but when you look back you can see His hand in every step.

It was a Sunday afternoon I had been working on the details of a gala that I was coordinating at our church for our pastor’s 25^th Anniversary. I had the windows open. There was a cool breeze in the air. I was standing in the kitchen looking at cake stands for the dinner and the phone rang. It was my coach and I could hear in his voice that something was wrong. He said several of the boys were up at the lake and they had been diving. “There’s been an accident. Laurel – it’s Jacob.” My heart sank. Tears filled my eyes. I love all of our players and never want anything to happen to any of them but this one hit really hard. You see, Jacob was one of ours. He played safety. He had been sitting on my couch just last week. His picture was on our mantle. Jacob was special. He had become family.

Too shaken to drive I asked one of our neighbors to drive me up to the field house. This is the first time I saw God move. My neighbors were also Christians. Chris prayed the entire nine-minute drive to the school.He prayed for Jacob. He prayed for his family. He prayed for me and my coach. He prayed for the team. Hey prayed for the rescue workers.  He didn’t stop and I know God heard his prayers.

When I entered the field house I found the coaches praying. We called several of the youth ministers in town and told them about the accident and asked that they come meet us at the football field. Here was the second time I saw God move. Just that morning I had met the youth minister at Irving Bible Church. He had given me his phone number in case I ever needed it. I needed it less than five hours later.

Word was spreading fast throughout the town and we were seeing that the kids all wanted to be together to pray and to hope for Jacob’s recovery.  We looked up and they began to come. Two, three, four at a time and then there were hundreds of teenagers, parents, ministers, coaches and wives standing on the field.  We were crying, praying, holding each other and trying to explain why bad things happen to those we love. It’s one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I was trying to hold it together for those kids while my heart was broken inside.  I had just lost one of my children and they had lost a friend. We prayed late into the evening. No one wanted to leave. We knew that if we went home it would become real. That was Sunday.

On Monday everyone had to return to school. They were still waiting to hear that they had found Jacob. The story made the local news. Jacob was a senior and a star player and captain on the team. Monday turned into Tuesday. Tuesday into Wednesday. Wednesday into Thursday. The news crews kept coming. We still had no word on Jacob.  Now national news stations were picking up the story.  Then Thursday night came and the rescue teams found him. Jacob was recovered at 9:21 pm or, in military time, 21:21. What’s special about that is Jacob wore number 21. Now the team could play knowing that their captain and brother had been found.

Now it’s Friday night and God moved yet again. We were playing Flower Mound High School that night. My coach and I have several friends from church who had children at Flower Mound. Members of the coaching staff from both schools were a part of an organization called Coaches Outreach. We knew we had friends praying for us as we took the field for the first time without Jacob. Fans stopped and prayed for us and with us. They hung signs of support and gave us hugs after the game. It was an honor to be a part of TX High School Football that night.

Saturday. It was the night of the gala at our church. Amidst everything else going on that week I had to pull off a dinner for 500 people to honor our pastor. God moved again. As our pastor walked in the door he made a bee line for me and my coach. You see he was not only our pastor but he was Jacob’s pastor too. Andy knew that Jacob was one of ours. He knew the grief that we were walking through and God put him in our path to hold us up and love on us while we were trying to love him.

Monday. Now came the hardest part. It was time to say goodbye to Jacob.  On Monday afternoon we entered our church where we worshiped every Sunday and where Jacob and his family worshiped. Over two thousand people came to say goodbye and to honor and celebrate Jacob. It was a celebration. We celebrated his life and his faith and we knew it was okay to say goodbye because he was standing in Heaven praising his Savior.  There were more moments of laughter than there were tears and there were even more moments when we just stood and praised our Lord.  That’s exactly how Jacob would have wanted it. God moved in a mighty way here.

It's been five years now and God is still moving in the lives of those who loved Jacob. Jacob was a young man with a faith deeper than his years. He was quick to tell everyone he met about Jesus. He wanted everyone to have the faith he had and to walk with the Lord like he was walking. His friends still talk about how he loved Jesus. They are deeper in their faith because of it. Some of them have been about to speak on a national level about him and his faith. Lives have been touched in Africa because of Jacob and his family. There are now two homes in Zambia filled with young men who are learning about Jesus. Our friendships with his teammates are deeper and forever entwined. That team will always hold a special place in our hearts. Because we lost Jacob my coach and I have been able to speak about how coaching is a ministry for us and not just a job.

God is still moving. Lives are still being changed. Out of a great and heartbreaking loss that will forever be a part of my soul God is still moving. Matthew 5: 4 “Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.” As I sit back and see all of the times that God has moved through these five years I am blessed and I am comforted.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Searching for Joy

When I was in college, all those years ago, my mother sent me a card that I really wish I still had today. On the front cover, there was a little guy wearing his rain slicker and holding an umbrella. There was a rain cloud above him and the card said, “Into every life a little rain must fall.” When I opened the card, the poor little guy was flying through the air sideways with rain and wind blowing right at him. The inside line read: “Followed by high winds and hail.” After the events of the past two weeks this card seems appropriate even today.

I love how God works. The minute I start a bible study called “Fight Back with Joy” all sorts of things start happening.  Since the study began I’ve seen two of my close friends deal with their moms who both have very serious illnesses and I’ve watched my friends in Southeast Texas get pummeled by Hurricane Harvey. Before I go in any further – warning to all my other friends – I’m only two weeks in to this six-week study to hang on!

In last week’s lesson, it talked about how Paul fought back with joy even while in prison as he sang praises to our Lord and witnessed to those that kept him captive. I’ve seen one of those prison cells and if Paul can fight back with joy in a cell that he couldn’t even stretch out in, then surely, I can fight back with joy in my day to day first world problems and frustrations. I’ve watched Amanda have an amazing attitude and find a sense of peace as her mother spends her last days here on earth. She knows her mother will soon see Jesus and that one day they will all be reunited. I’ve watched Jennifer evacuate her house and come back to start the rebuilding process. All while saying that she didn’t feel devastated at all. In fact, she felt hopeful and blessed.  Now that’s how you fight back with joy!

Now that football season is in full swing I’m betting that I’m going to have multiple opportunities throughout the next few weeks to fight back with some of my own joy. My job gets extremely busy this time of year and then when you add on the crazy schedule of my coach we are already exhausted and challenged and it’s only week one of the season. Exhaustion makes me cranky which makes finding joy even more of a challenge.  When you add to that the stresses of work, the stresses of football season, the inevitable of something breaking at the house, i.e. the air conditioner, the hot water heater, the dishwasher disposal, etc. (all of which have happened to me personally), finding joy becomes a greater task.  While pondering all of that, it got me to thinking. Maybe finding my joy isn’t as hard as I had originally thought.

As with all things I need to go to scripture to help me find my joy. It’s right there and it’s there a bunch! Here are just a few examples.

Psalms 126:5 (KJV) - They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

James 1:2 (NIV) - Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

Job 8:21 (NIV) - He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.

Galatians 5:22 (KJV) - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,…

Habakkuk 3:18 (KJV) - Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Acts 13:52 (KJV) - And the disciples were filled with joy, and with the Holy Ghost.

Philippians 1:3-4 (KJV) -I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy.

Do you see it?  Can you feel it?  As the song says,

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Where?
Down in my heart!
Where?
Down in my heart!
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Down in my heart to stay

The joy has been there all along. I just forget to look for it from time to time. Now that I’ve got it right here in front of me, it’s up to me to remember it on a daily basis. It’s up to me to pull that joy out and fight back with it even on the days I’m experiencing the high winds and hail. I hope when you’re experiencing the high winds and hail that you too, can find the joy!

Cheering you on,
Laurel

There’s No Such Thing as the Typical Coach’s Wife

Over the years I’ve heard more than one coach’s wife say “I’m not the typical coach’s wife.”It breaks my heart when I hear that.  I feel like they are comparing themselves to this imaginary image and that it's stealing their joy. After meeting so many wives over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s really no such thing as a typical coach's wife. There’s no need for comparison to other wives and especially when it’s it so a perception that seems to be floating out there that all coach’s wives teach school and that we all love sports. I’m here to tell you that’s not true on either case.

Perception #1 - All coach’s wives teach school.

Now a lot of wives do teach and I truly admire those coach’s wives. They have a set of skills and patience that I’ll never have. They are heroes in our schools and get to engage with the athletes in ways that those of us who don’t teach won’t ever experience.

However, I’ve been the wife of a coach for nineteen years now and I’ve never been on a staff where even the majority of the wives teach school. I’ve seen stay at home moms, accountants, bankers, nurses, for profit jobs, nonprofit jobs and everything in between. There’s no one career mold that fits all.

I don’t teach. I’m in the nonprofit world. My coach is supportive of my career and knows that I’m exactly where the Lord has called me to be. Yeah, I don’t get summers, spring break, fall break, etc., but I’m in a job that I love and am excited to go to work every day. 

Perception #2 – All coach’s wives love sports.

Yes, it’s probably easier to be the wife of a coach if you do love sports, but you don’t have to. Some people just don’t enjoy sports. I get that. If you don’t love/like sports, I encourage you to find other ways to get involved in your husband’s career choice. Maybe it’s writing notes to his players or having them over for dinner. I haven’t loved every sport he has coached over the years and some I’ve even found quite boring so I try to find other ways to be involved rather than just watching. I find a job that needs to be done. I’ve kept the book. I’ve worked the concession stand. I’ve passed out the medals. Through all of these I’ve learned to appreciate the sport a little more and my coach sees that I want to support him in what he does.

When my coach and I married, I enjoyed football but I really didn’t have a clue what was going on during the game. He gave me “Football for Dummies” and I read it and asked questions. My thought process was that if football was going to be a part of my life, I should learn something about so I could at least be a part of his conversations. I work for Susan G. Komen and tease him that he needs to know as much about breast cancer as I know about football. That’s what works for us. Find what works for you.

Coach’s wives come in all forms, all careers and all levels of love or dislike of sports. The beauty of it is, you and your coach found each other and there’s something there that’s special. Focus on each other and support each other. Remember there’s no such thing as being typical so quit trying to compare yourself to a perception. Don't let a perception steal your joy! Where would the fun be if we were all alike?

Cheering you on!
Laurel

But it IS Personal

If you’ve ever read any of my blogs I hope that you know that I try to be thoughtful about what I write. I never want to come across as knowing everything or hurting anyone’s feelings as I write. I’m not the overall expert in being the wife of a coach but I have tried to learn from my mistakes over the years and I try to be intentional in my writings. Some things I mull over in my mind and write and rewrite for months.  This is one of those blogs. Please know that it comes from my heart and it not intended to hurt feelings or friendships. It’s about a phrase that is used in passing and I’m sure if anyone that uses it stopped to think about the hurt that it brings they would stop saying it. Ok – so here it goes.

I’ve heard the phrase several times over our years of coaching and each time I hear it I want to come unglued.  The phrase usually comes after a parent as expressed frustration about the coaching staff and in some cases even called for the staff to be let go. The phrase – “It’s nothing personal.” After hearing it, I bite my tongue, count to ten and just nod. 

Here’s what I’d really like to say:

Don’t you get it?  That coaching staff that you just criticized and are calling to be replaced spends more time with your child and up at the field house than they do with their own friends and family. Even when my coach is home, he’s on the computer working game plans, watching film, checking grades, responding to your emails, on the phone with other coaches, on the phone with parents, responding to texts from students and athletes, the list is endless. When we are out to dinner it’s the same. He’s responding to urgent emails and taking calls. If we run into you while out in the community, he stops and talks and listens to your questions, concerns, comments, critiques.

It’s personal. It’s very personal. My coach wants what’s best for your child.  He wants him to succeed on and off the field. He wants him to grow physically, spiritually and academically. My coach is all in when it comes to your child – so it IS personal. If you’ve spent any time with us at all you know that we think of your children as our own.  They are a part of our family. They are on our Christmas cards. They eat dinner at our house. It IS personal.

My coach invests in your child on and off the field. Whether you child starts, sits the bench or somewhere in between, he’s invested in his well being. You aren’t there at school and at every practice. You don’t see the one on one conversations that are taking place. You are probably not aware of the text conversations. My coach is listening to the thoughts and frustrations of your child. He’s investing in him and showing them that sports teaches more than just playing time and success.  Sports is like life, sometimes it doesn’t go according to plan. There is always someone smarter, faster and stronger. Your attitude does determine your altitude.  Your work ethic says a lot about your character.  My coach is trying to teach life lessons that will make him a better man. Sports is just a blip on the radar of your life, but the man that you become lasts a lifetime. Set your goals and hearts on eternal things not just that playing field.

My coach has invested twenty years in coaching. He’s all in. To invest that long proves that it IS personal. Please don’t insult him by saying it’s not.

That’s what I’d like to say, but I don’t. I’ve learned over the years, it’s not my place and that it would probably do more harm than good. So, I write and rewrite it in my mind for months. It’s how I process. Now I’m finally putting it out there on my blog for the world to see. I hope that you as you read these words you see the heart that it behind them.  It is personal for me and my coach and we are all in for your child.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

I Need a Laundry Fairy

I’d like to preface this blog with the fact that yes, my mother taught me better than this but yes, I fail miserably in this area. Please don’t judge her.  Yes, you can judge me but confession is good for the soul.

A couple of years ago I wrote a blog about how coaches should come with warning labels. One label I forgot is probably one of the most important. Coaches come with laundry. A LOT OF LAUNDRY. OH MY GOODNESS THE AMOUNT OF LAUNDRY!!!! We are going into my coach’s twentieth season and each year I’m still amazed that the laundry at my house is NEVER done.  Just when I think I’ve got it all done and the laundry hamper is empty, in he walks with his bag and another load of laundry. Thanks to the crazy practice and school schedule my coach changes clothes at least four times a day.  Sometimes there’s a fifth change if we are going out to dinner or to a school function. 

It’s insane the amount of laundry that he generates on a daily/weekly basis. The worst of it is how much I HATE doing laundry.  I’ve never been a fan of the task and my loathing seem to grow every football season. You can ask my mother.  Growing up, I’d rather clean the bathroom than help with the laundry. Same holds true today. I don’t know what it is about it, but I just don’t like it.  Last year we had to buy a new washer and dryer so I made sure I had a bigger one thinking I’d get it done faster. Well, the laundry gods were not in my favor.  It may be bigger but somehow the words energy efficient makes it ten times slower. So the agony has increased and the amount of time doing it has doubled or tripled.

There’s not a part of laundry I like. I hate to sort it. I hate to wash it. Putting it in the dryer is a pain. Folding it seems to take forever. Then there’s the putting it away.  That’s where it’s the worst!  At our house we have a bad habit of folding it and then just leaving it on the guest bed.  It seems the guest bed has become our other closet.  On more than one occasion when we’ve had surprise overnight guests, we’ve been known to take the piles and put them back in the laundry basket and then stash the basket as the guests are walking in the door.

For a while I tried to convince myself that doing laundry on Saturdays while watching college football was the way to take my mind of the tediousness of the job.  However, I found that if my team was in a tight game I’d forget what I was doing and get consumed by the game. I also found that if my team was doing poorly my clothes weren’t treated as well as they could be and that I was most likely adding wrinkles by twisting the shirt in my hands rather than properly folding it. So much for that idea.

Many girls dream of a fairy godmother. I dream of a laundry fairy. I need someone or something to come and wave her magic wand and sort, wash, dry, fold and put away my laundry.  I don’t think I’m asking much.  Just once in my life I’d like to go more than an hour without any clothes in the laundry hamper.

Cheering you on,
Laurel 

I’m not a Widow

Now that football season is here a lot of people I talk to like to refer to me as a “football widow”. They make remarks like “Oh, you husband is in season so now you’re a widow again.” Or “So, how’s it being a football widow again this time of year?”

I’ve really come to hate that term.  I’m not a widow.  I’m still married.  He didn’t die.  He’s just busy.  He’s obviously at the school and the field house more than he’s home, but that still doesn’t make him dead and it still doesn’t make me a widow.  When your husband actually dies and leaves this earth and you the wife are left behind then you are a widow.  Your husband doesn’t choose die. It just happens.  My husband chooses to be a football coach and he chooses to go to work.  There’s a big difference there.

Yes, it’s a crazy time for the next four – hopefully five- months but he’s still alive.  He’s choosing to coach. He’s choosing to do a job that he loves and has a passion doing.  He chooses to invest in the lives of the young men he’s coaching.  He’s choosing to teach them not only the game of football but about everyday life. He’s choosing to show them what it means to be a man of God. He’s choosing to show them how Christ has made a difference in his life. He’s choosing to show them how to be a good husband and what it looks like to love his wife.  He’s very much alive and I’m still not a widow.

I understand that while he’s very much alive at the field house that means that there are things at home that I’m going to have to deal with alone.   Yes, I know that something major is going to break and I’m going to have to deal with it.  This year that something has already broken and I’m dealing with it and we’re just out of two a days. I understand that I may have to go to work, family or church functions without him. I understand that weekends are spent without him and that things like date nights become virtually non-existent.  Even with all of that, we’re still married.  I may not see him much, but I still see him. He’s still physically in this world.  I do get to hear him laugh, see his smile and watch him fulfill his passion on that football field every Friday night.  He’s not gone forever. He’s just busy.

So for those of you who like to refer to me as a “football widow” – please don’t.  I’m still happily married.  He may not always be with me when I’m out and about but he’s still alive and a part of my life. Our married life may look different than yours but it works for us. My coach is fulfilling God’s call in his life and I’m cheering him on for listening and obeying that call.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

More than Wins and Losses

There’s so much more that goes into Friday night lights than meets the eye. In a world where it’s all about the win and having a winning record the real story sometimes gets missed.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’d much rather win than lose, but I know there’s more to it than just that.  I know that coaching is a ministry and that my husband and his fellow coaches are out there every day teaching young men and women how to maneuver through life and to be who God has called them to be in life. 

Just today on my Facebook feed I’ve seen stories about teaching a young man how to tie a tie. I’ve see a coach who went home and got a pair of his own jeans for a player to wear because his had holes in them and violated dress code. Turns out that poor kid had more problems than just holes in his jeans. He had just learned that his mom was dying.  I know of a player who lost his mom to cancer and is still angry with God about it. There’s an entire team dealing with the sudden loss of one of their coaches.  It’s our coaches that are there to teach valuable life lessons to these kids and to be the shoulder they need to cry on and to teach these kids that the Lord is in control.

Those players and students are watching as our coaches’ deal with the pressures of the season. They are watching to see how to win with humility and lose with grace. They are watching as our coaches’ act and react to staffing changes, teaching full class loads while in season. They are watching as our coaches interact with their families before and after practices and games.  Each action and reaction our coaches take, players are watching. They are looking for role models. They are determining if that’s the kind of man or woman they want to be when they grow up.

Coaching is more than X's and O's. It's more that winning games.  It's a chance to dive deep into the lives of the young men and women and to be their spiritual coach as well.  On average coaches spend at least 20 hours a week with their players - just in practices, games, watching film, etc. Once you add in the hours of teaching and game planning, and all of the other duties of a coach, the work time can exceed 80 hours a week.  While they are away from their families, they at school getting to know their kids on a deep and personal level.  They have the opportunity to see where these kids are spiritually and share their faith with them.  This is an amazing opportunity and it's what God has called them to do.

Being the wife of coach isn't always easy and sometimes the hours are long and the frustration level is high but there are rewards. The greatest reward is to see these young men come back after they have graduated and to hear them tell my coach thank you.  They say thank you for investing in them and spending time with them. They thank him for not killing them when sometimes they needed killing. Others thank him for just being there and listening. I even heard one thank him for all the times my coach yelled at him because he said that’s exactly what he needed. He went on to say that he needed someone to believe in him and he knew that as long as my coach was yelling at him and directing him on the practice field that he knew that my coach believed in him and hadn’t given up on him. That’s what coaching is all about.

Our coaches are making a daily impact in the lives of the young men and women they coach. Often times it’s the coaches that know more about what’s going on with a player than his/her own family does. It goes way beyond Friday night lights. It’s about molding the lives of these young men and women to become the person that God has called them to be and it’s up to our coaches and the wives of coaches to do our part in the process.

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Lay Down Your Burdens

If you are like me you have really enjoyed having your coach home for the summer.  Football is now in full swing in my house as it across the state of Texas. I know it’s football season but not for the reasons you would suspect.  Yes, he’s gone from dawn to dusk. Yes he comes home smelling like sweat and football. Yes there are remnants of field turf tracked across my otherwise clean floors but there’s more.

I know it’s football season because I’m receiving emails and texts messages and watching the thread on Facebook feed fill with prayer requests, struggles and concerns.  I’m watching my friends and fellow coach’s wives all of the sudden having to start dealing with things by themselves that they would normally team up with their coach on to handle. These things could be small or they could be big. On the first day of two a days at our house the garage door all of the sudden quick working. There I stood thinking “ok – how do I get this fixed before my coach hits the door. I don’t want to face him with a problem when he’s hot and tired.” Thankfully my coach’s best friend happens to be a basketball coach who’s not in season and was able to come to my rescue. Small thing. A couple of weeks ago we came home to find a good portion of the shower wall tile in the floor. Contractors have determined that I’s not an easy fix and that major construction is needed. Of course it took until now for the contractors to complete their bids and financing to get settled.  Football starts and so does major construction that comes with lots of decisions. Decisions I would normally turn to my coach and ask his thoughts.  Now his thoughts are concentrated on football and I’m home making it happen.  Big thing.

Just this week I know of wives that are dealing with parents who have been diagnosed with cancer and another whose parents have Alzheimer’s. I know a wife whose daughter who is going through a divorce and dealing with depression. Another wife whose coach who has cancer.  Another whose son who has cancer. Another wife who is closing on their house and moving the first week of school. All big things.

Each and every day there is a wife of a coach dealing with so many big and little things. We are all trying to balance these with our daily lives and trying to take care of our husbands and families during the season. For you it may be football season or basketball or baseball or all of the above. But, we don’t have to go through it alone. We have each other. Wives all of the U.S. understand what it is to be the wife of a coach. They get that our husbands are building into you men and young women while we are home dealing with a hundred different issues. They get that coaching is a ministry and it’s up to our families to show Jesus to a lot of these kids. They understand that while it’s time away from our family it’s time spent increasing our heavenly families. These wives are there for each other and they are there for you and me. Each time a request or concern is emailed to me or comes across my Facebook feed I stop and pray for that amazing woman and what she’s going through. I know other wives do the same thing for me.

I know we have each other but I also know we also have the Lord. In church a few weeks ago a member of our preaching team was talking about handling all that life seems to through at us.  He sang on old hymn that puts it all into perspective.

CHORUS
Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child
Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child

Cause I can walk on water ..
Calm a restless sea
I've done a thousand things you've never done
And I'm really watching
While you struggle on your way
Call on my name, Ill come

Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child
Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child

I give vision to the blind

I can raise the dead
I've seen the darker side of hell
And I've returned
I've seen those sleepless night
And Count every tear you cry
Some lessons hurt to learn

Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child
Lay down your burden I will carry you
I will carry you my child, my child

So now that football is in full swing I know things are going to come up that I’m going to have to deal with whether I want to or not. I also know that I can lay down that burden and that my Lord will carry me and he will carry my burden.  Lay down your burden. Jesus has you.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

The In-between Times

If you’re not a part of the coaching world you probably think the season ends with the last game. Those are the same people that think once you walk off the field or the court for the last time of the season you don’t think about it again till it’s time take the field or court again next year. Those people are wrong on both counts.

If you are coach or married to one you know that the moment your season ends you enter the in-between zone. The in-between zone can either a time when you are simply waiting for offseason or your second season to start or it can be a time of uncertainty.  That uncertainty is usually related to job status. Your coach is either looking for a new job because he’s lost his or he’s looking for a new opportunity to move up or sometimes just move out.  You are caught in the in-between or in a state of limbo.  The dictionary defines limbo as: an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place.

For coaching families limbo is hard. If your coaching staff has immediate changes, it’s hard on the family that’s affected and its hard on the other families on the coaching staff.  If you are close with the families on your coaching staff you are hurt and frustrated for those that were asked to leave. If your coach or another good friend is promoted into that vacant role you want to celebrate for them.  You find yourself in the in-between zone trying to support both families.  While in Sunday School today, we read the Romans 12:15. It says “Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.”  

Often times you are laughing with one friend and seconds later turning around to shed tears with another. This is the part of coaching that not people see and it’s hard and it hurts but I’ve learned that you continue to love and you continue to grow.  Friendships may take on a new look but if your roots are deep with those friends they will grow deeper. You may not be on the same staff the next season but you still have your friendship and they are just a phone call, text or even a Facetime away.  There’s also always the chance that you can be back on the same staff at some point in the future.

If you’re not in limbo looking for a job because you have to you make be in that limbo world of waiting for your coach to see what else is out there.  Is there a chance to move to a bigger school?  Is there a chance to become a coordinator or head coach?  There’s always a chance for something new on the horizon.  This is always the time of year when wives living in limbo wonder if they buy that cute shirt or dress that happens to be school colors or do see if they have that same cute shirt or dress in a more basic color that could transition to any school?  Do you start that house project or wait till his contract is signed and he’s looked you in the eyes and promised that you’re staying put for at least one more season. Do you sign the kids up for summer camps and activities and ask if there is a refund policy in place in the chance that you’re moving?  Welcome to the in-between zone. 

The in-between zone is hard. When transitions have happened at our school(s) I’ve found myself running errands in another suburb just so I didn’t have to run into a parent or school board member or any member of the community for that matter. I understand that they have questions. I usually have questions too. I’m not the head coach. I don’t know what he’s thinking. I don’t know what his wife is thinking either so please don’t ask me that. I’m sure she’s running through the same emotions we all are at the moment.  I’ll usually surface again after the emotions have died down and after I’ve maneuvered my own in-between zone.  

Just yesterday my friend who is also the wife of coach and I were discussing that most people enjoy spring and the new possibilities it brings. For us it’s just another year in the in-between zone. We wait to hear if our husbands are staying or going. Are they interviewing for a new opportunity or content for another year?  We’ve just learned to trust that they are praying about what’s right for them and for our family. We remind each other to be their Ruth and go where they need us to go and cheer on their team wherever and whoever it may be for the season.

Excuse me now.  I’m going to go put Romans 12:15 in to action and laugh with my friends who on the brink on new and exciting things and also shed some tears with some of those who may need a good cry. See you on the other side of the in-between.

Cheering YOU on!
Laurel

It's Just My Opinion - Not a Personal Attack

Over the past few weeks I’ve made a few comments on social media about certain football games or teams.  To me, the comments were just simple statements about who I wanted to see win a game or who I was cheering for at that moment.  The comments were never meant as an attack on a particular person or team but it seems as though this year for some odd reason even non-descript statements have been taken as a personal affront. 

I’m still trying to figure out where I went wrong when I’d make a statement like “Go X Beat Y.” After a statement like that I was accused of being disloyal, I had people put statistics of teams and specific players on my Facebook page and almost lost a friendship over a statement I made about how I thought the better team lost the game that week.

Please hear me when I say, I’m not attacking any particular player, team or coach. I’m not willing to lose a friendship over an opinion about a game or a team. I was simply stating my thoughts and opinions and I’m trying to figure out when that became wrong of me to do because someone in the world has a different opinion.

As the wife of a coach I tend to look at football games, teams and coaches in a different light than the average fan. When I’m cheering for a team it’s most likely because we have a former player playing in that game or we know the coach and sometimes his entire family. I cheer for them to succeed. I cheer for the player to do well. There are times I’ve been known to cheer for the defense of one team and the offense of the opposing team in the same game because I know kids on both sides of the ball or we know and respect the coaches of both teams. Sometimes I cheer for a specific team not because I know someone on that team but because I know that the coach on the other side of the ball promised a kid the world and then snatched the rug out from under him moments before signing day or I don’t agree with his ethics or morals so therefore I’m not really a fan of his so, I cheer for the other side.  It’s not a personal attack on you and your team. It’s just how I’ve chosen to cheer that particular day.

Somewhere the world took a turn and all of the sudden difference of opinions in the world of football are no longer accepted or even tolerated in any longer.  I grew up in Texas. I get that football has its own place in the world and that after Jesus, it’s the second religion to many but COME ON PEOPLE! Football is game and we should be teaching those around us that there’s more to life than winning or losing a game. There are many lessons to be learned on and off the field through football and we’ve lost sight of that. We used to be able to live in a house divided. Longhorns and Aggies or Rebels and Bulldogs could be friends off the field and there was a level of respect among them on and off the turf. I’m not sure why or where the tide turned but I’d like us all to find our way back to where you could make a statement about a game without someone retaliating back. Until that time comes though I promise to keep my comments on social media strictly related to the score of my husband’s high school game and the effort put forth by his team.  So, in that vein Go Coppell Cowboys! Can’t wait to see what you do next year!

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Put My Game Face On and Bite My Tongue

Not every season can be a 10-0 season. Some seasons are tougher than others. As the wife of a coach, those are the seasons where I’ve learned that as I pull into the parking lot that I need to take a deep breath and put my game face on. I’ve learned to leave my day in the car with all of its frustrations and put that all aside for three hours and focus on my sport, my team and my coach.  That’s not always been easy for me, but I know those fans have no clue as to what else is going on in my life and I also know that my life is not a priority for them. That game and that moment are what matter to them. I’ve learned that whether I think my team is in for a battle or a cake walk I have to walk into that stadium or gym with confidence and show no fear. Parents are watching and they pick up on what the wives are throwing out there. If they see me grimace or cast a look of doubt or worry, they pick up on it.

Whether my team is having a great season, a so so season or a horrible season my game face and my attitude say a lot to those fans. My coach and team are counting on me.  When they hear the fans yelling from the stands they need to know that I’ve got their back. I’ve got their back in my demeanor and actions but this is where I’ve learned to bite my tongue.  I’ve learned through the years it’s not the job of the coach’s wife to tell fans that my husband and the other coaches know what they’re doing. It’s not my job to remind the fans that so and so missed his block or blew his coverage.  My job is to cheer on my team and bite my tongue. I want to defend my coach and his fellow coaches and to defend my players, but that’s not my job.

As I’ve walked through the years with my coach I’ve observed a variety of high school and college wives to see how they navigate the art of having a game face and biting their tongues. Some choose to sit away from the fans in a box or seats away from the parents. Others sit in the stands but learn to zone out the crowd. I once knew a wife that simply handed a fan a piece of paper and pen and said just write it all down and I’ll give it to him when he comes home. (Not sure that I would recommend that strategy.) What I’ve learned is that I need to do what fits my personality best. Every wife is going to have to learn to handle the situation with what works best for her.   I’ve learned that what works best for me is to sit with a group of trusted friends, take a deep breath, pray and remember that Proverbs 21:23 where it says “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” Nothing good can come from me engaging with a fan. It’s better for me and better for my coach to keep my game face in place and bite my tongue.

So on Friday nights you’ll find me pulling into the parking lot, taking a deep breath and putting on my game face. I love my coach. I love my team. I’ll be there to cheer them on no matter what the score and no matter what the fans have to say.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

The Not So Simple Homecoming Mum

I’m not sure when it happened but sometime between 1987 and 2014 Homecoming Mums ran out of control.  If you’re not from Texas Homecoming Mums are hard to comprehend.  If you are from Texas every year that passes mums become harder and harder to comprehend. I thought maybe that it was just that I was becoming out of touch or that maybe I had grown too old to get it but as I sat in the stands last night with my fellow coaches’ wives I found that I’m not alone in my thoughts and confusion.

Mums are no longer just mums. They are no longer a simple corsage or a large flower with a few ribbons and streamers.  Mums now have become the size of billboards and involve lights, boas, bells, whistles, regular sized stuffed animals and more tinsel than you would find on a standard sized Christmas tree. There are now rules about what colors each class can have and how many of each certain item should or should not be on the mum. I jokingly asked our team chiropractor tonight if he had ever considered sponsoring homecoming.  The size of these things has got to make your back and neck feel miserable after hauling them around all day. Gone are the days when a simple corsage pin or two would work to hold your mum on your dress.  Now girls have to practically wear a harness around their neck and most likely need to work out in order to wear them. They have become so large that even when grown men put them on to see what the fuss is about they are amazed at the weight of them.

My fellow coaches’ wives and I pretty much lost focus on the game and became fascinated with what we saw. It became a game to see who could spot the biggest and the brightest. We started tallying up the price tags of the mums and figured that if we stalked up on after Christmas sale items like bows, ribbons, lights, etc. that we could start our own side business and finance vacations for all of us next year.  One wife had spotted a mum in the local grocery store that was on sale from its original $500 price and cut to $300.  You have got to be kidding me!  I realize that things are the same as they were in 1987 when I graduated high school but at that point in time $40 was a ridiculous amount to spend on a mum.  Now you want $500 for a mum?  Come on!  Where does this end? It would be one thing if this was something you were going to use again or wear again but all this for just one day at school and one night at a football game I think just seems a bit over the top. 

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the garters!  What the boys are wearing these days on their arms are larger than the mums were that we had in high school and those cost twice as much as well. 

 

I wonder if you could start a resale shop or even a rent a mum business?   Think about it. You could just swap out the ribbon with your name on it and maybe a couple of the accessories. You wear it for the day and then turn it back in after the game. You save money and you have your pictures for memories and one less thing taking up space and collecting dust in your room.  It saves your bank account and it saves the stress of all those poor moms having to run around town to gather all of the items needed to make the mum and then actual stress of putting it together or finding a crafty friend to help with the major undertaking that is mum making.

If my thoughts and observations on this subject offend you, I’m sorry.  I’m not judging you or your mum. I actually helped make a mum this year and it was pretty impressive if I do say so myself. I’m just simply amazed that a simple corsage has evolved into such a major production and financial commitment. I’m just wondering when enough is enough and it becomes too much. If you need me, I’ll be off contemplating my idea of a mum resale shop.

Cheering you on!
Laurel 

(all pictures were taken from the internet and are not actual mums from our school)