Extra Grace Required

Now that we are deep into football season and everyone has hit district play the stakes are higher and the stress levels are climbing daily. Several coaches’ wives across the state have reached out to me directly and I’ve seen them post in groups for coaches’ wives about how to deal with fans and their reactions to a bad play or a losing season. Let’s first establish that there is no easy way and it’s a skill and art form that you have to learn on your own.  We’ve been doing this coaching thing for 21 years now so I’ve learned a thing or two over the years. So please take it from me when I say, turning around to the fan and saying “Well, if your son would run the play my husband called” is not in your best interest.  That’s when I learned to bite my tongue.

A few years ago, we had a head coach that had the mantra of Extra Grace Required or EGR for short. This phrase has stayed with me and over the years has grown to be a part of my everyday vocabulary both at work and in stands on Friday nights.

As I began thinking about this blog, I asked a few pastor friends of mine for their definition of grace. David said, “I usually refer to grace as receiving the good you don't deserve (as opposed to mercy where you don't get what you do deserve).”  Alan expanded on David’s definition and said “We often substitute mercy for grace. In my ministry context being nonjudgmental is a must. Since I have no judgement to give, allowing people however messed up their lives may be to "come as they are" feels more like the grace I want to give because it's been extended to me.”

So now you’re probably thinking ok, that’s nice but what does it have to do with that angry fan in the stands? Well, here’s what I think. My coach and I approach his job as a ministry. He’s ministering to those young men on and off the field. I have the opportunity to minister to those fans in the stands. Many know who I am and the majority of the crowd knows that I’m sitting with the other coaches’ wives and our families. I’ve actually seen some turn our way when something goes wrong on the field. They are seeing how I react. When someone is yelling something hateful about the coaches, others turn to watch my reaction and the reaction of the other wives. Here’s where EGR comes in.  Rather than engaging and responding back like I once made the mistake of doing, now I take a deep breath and just whisper EGR.  I have to stop and think judgement is not mine to give. I need to extend grace to this fan. I have no idea where he’s coming from. I have no idea what battle he is personally fighting. What I do know is that my actions toward him speak volumes. What I choose not to say says more than any words spoken.

Proverbs 21:23 (NIV) says “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”  Y’all trust me, I’ve seen calamity and it’s not pretty.  Learn from my mistakes. I know for some this is easier said than done. I have one friend that started taking her lawn chair and sitting in the end zone so that she was removed from the situation rather than biting her tongue off in the stands. Another wife was able to move to the back row and in the corner so that she didn’t have to be surrounded by the fans. If that’s not possible surround yourself with other wives or friends that you can help each other if the situation arises. One night I was so frustrated and ready to say something but before I could my sweet friend quietly said to me “Maybe you need to read your own blog.” I took a deep breath and giggled since I’ve written on this topic before. Find what works for you and do it and just whisper EGR.

Cheering you on,
Laurel