The In-between Times

If you’re not a part of the coaching world you probably think the season ends with the last game. Those are the same people that think once you walk off the field or the court for the last time of the season you don’t think about it again till it’s time take the field or court again next year. Those people are wrong on both counts.

If you are coach or married to one you know that the moment your season ends you enter the in-between zone. The in-between zone can either a time when you are simply waiting for offseason or your second season to start or it can be a time of uncertainty.  That uncertainty is usually related to job status. Your coach is either looking for a new job because he’s lost his or he’s looking for a new opportunity to move up or sometimes just move out.  You are caught in the in-between or in a state of limbo.  The dictionary defines limbo as: an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place.

For coaching families limbo is hard. If your coaching staff has immediate changes, it’s hard on the family that’s affected and its hard on the other families on the coaching staff.  If you are close with the families on your coaching staff you are hurt and frustrated for those that were asked to leave. If your coach or another good friend is promoted into that vacant role you want to celebrate for them.  You find yourself in the in-between zone trying to support both families.  While in Sunday School today, we read the Romans 12:15. It says “Rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.”  

Often times you are laughing with one friend and seconds later turning around to shed tears with another. This is the part of coaching that not people see and it’s hard and it hurts but I’ve learned that you continue to love and you continue to grow.  Friendships may take on a new look but if your roots are deep with those friends they will grow deeper. You may not be on the same staff the next season but you still have your friendship and they are just a phone call, text or even a Facetime away.  There’s also always the chance that you can be back on the same staff at some point in the future.

If you’re not in limbo looking for a job because you have to you make be in that limbo world of waiting for your coach to see what else is out there.  Is there a chance to move to a bigger school?  Is there a chance to become a coordinator or head coach?  There’s always a chance for something new on the horizon.  This is always the time of year when wives living in limbo wonder if they buy that cute shirt or dress that happens to be school colors or do see if they have that same cute shirt or dress in a more basic color that could transition to any school?  Do you start that house project or wait till his contract is signed and he’s looked you in the eyes and promised that you’re staying put for at least one more season. Do you sign the kids up for summer camps and activities and ask if there is a refund policy in place in the chance that you’re moving?  Welcome to the in-between zone. 

The in-between zone is hard. When transitions have happened at our school(s) I’ve found myself running errands in another suburb just so I didn’t have to run into a parent or school board member or any member of the community for that matter. I understand that they have questions. I usually have questions too. I’m not the head coach. I don’t know what he’s thinking. I don’t know what his wife is thinking either so please don’t ask me that. I’m sure she’s running through the same emotions we all are at the moment.  I’ll usually surface again after the emotions have died down and after I’ve maneuvered my own in-between zone.  

Just yesterday my friend who is also the wife of coach and I were discussing that most people enjoy spring and the new possibilities it brings. For us it’s just another year in the in-between zone. We wait to hear if our husbands are staying or going. Are they interviewing for a new opportunity or content for another year?  We’ve just learned to trust that they are praying about what’s right for them and for our family. We remind each other to be their Ruth and go where they need us to go and cheer on their team wherever and whoever it may be for the season.

Excuse me now.  I’m going to go put Romans 12:15 in to action and laugh with my friends who on the brink on new and exciting things and also shed some tears with some of those who may need a good cry. See you on the other side of the in-between.

Cheering YOU on!
Laurel

It's Just My Opinion - Not a Personal Attack

Over the past few weeks I’ve made a few comments on social media about certain football games or teams.  To me, the comments were just simple statements about who I wanted to see win a game or who I was cheering for at that moment.  The comments were never meant as an attack on a particular person or team but it seems as though this year for some odd reason even non-descript statements have been taken as a personal affront. 

I’m still trying to figure out where I went wrong when I’d make a statement like “Go X Beat Y.” After a statement like that I was accused of being disloyal, I had people put statistics of teams and specific players on my Facebook page and almost lost a friendship over a statement I made about how I thought the better team lost the game that week.

Please hear me when I say, I’m not attacking any particular player, team or coach. I’m not willing to lose a friendship over an opinion about a game or a team. I was simply stating my thoughts and opinions and I’m trying to figure out when that became wrong of me to do because someone in the world has a different opinion.

As the wife of a coach I tend to look at football games, teams and coaches in a different light than the average fan. When I’m cheering for a team it’s most likely because we have a former player playing in that game or we know the coach and sometimes his entire family. I cheer for them to succeed. I cheer for the player to do well. There are times I’ve been known to cheer for the defense of one team and the offense of the opposing team in the same game because I know kids on both sides of the ball or we know and respect the coaches of both teams. Sometimes I cheer for a specific team not because I know someone on that team but because I know that the coach on the other side of the ball promised a kid the world and then snatched the rug out from under him moments before signing day or I don’t agree with his ethics or morals so therefore I’m not really a fan of his so, I cheer for the other side.  It’s not a personal attack on you and your team. It’s just how I’ve chosen to cheer that particular day.

Somewhere the world took a turn and all of the sudden difference of opinions in the world of football are no longer accepted or even tolerated in any longer.  I grew up in Texas. I get that football has its own place in the world and that after Jesus, it’s the second religion to many but COME ON PEOPLE! Football is game and we should be teaching those around us that there’s more to life than winning or losing a game. There are many lessons to be learned on and off the field through football and we’ve lost sight of that. We used to be able to live in a house divided. Longhorns and Aggies or Rebels and Bulldogs could be friends off the field and there was a level of respect among them on and off the turf. I’m not sure why or where the tide turned but I’d like us all to find our way back to where you could make a statement about a game without someone retaliating back. Until that time comes though I promise to keep my comments on social media strictly related to the score of my husband’s high school game and the effort put forth by his team.  So, in that vein Go Coppell Cowboys! Can’t wait to see what you do next year!

Cheering you on!
Laurel

Put My Game Face On and Bite My Tongue

Not every season can be a 10-0 season. Some seasons are tougher than others. As the wife of a coach, those are the seasons where I’ve learned that as I pull into the parking lot that I need to take a deep breath and put my game face on. I’ve learned to leave my day in the car with all of its frustrations and put that all aside for three hours and focus on my sport, my team and my coach.  That’s not always been easy for me, but I know those fans have no clue as to what else is going on in my life and I also know that my life is not a priority for them. That game and that moment are what matter to them. I’ve learned that whether I think my team is in for a battle or a cake walk I have to walk into that stadium or gym with confidence and show no fear. Parents are watching and they pick up on what the wives are throwing out there. If they see me grimace or cast a look of doubt or worry, they pick up on it.

Whether my team is having a great season, a so so season or a horrible season my game face and my attitude say a lot to those fans. My coach and team are counting on me.  When they hear the fans yelling from the stands they need to know that I’ve got their back. I’ve got their back in my demeanor and actions but this is where I’ve learned to bite my tongue.  I’ve learned through the years it’s not the job of the coach’s wife to tell fans that my husband and the other coaches know what they’re doing. It’s not my job to remind the fans that so and so missed his block or blew his coverage.  My job is to cheer on my team and bite my tongue. I want to defend my coach and his fellow coaches and to defend my players, but that’s not my job.

As I’ve walked through the years with my coach I’ve observed a variety of high school and college wives to see how they navigate the art of having a game face and biting their tongues. Some choose to sit away from the fans in a box or seats away from the parents. Others sit in the stands but learn to zone out the crowd. I once knew a wife that simply handed a fan a piece of paper and pen and said just write it all down and I’ll give it to him when he comes home. (Not sure that I would recommend that strategy.) What I’ve learned is that I need to do what fits my personality best. Every wife is going to have to learn to handle the situation with what works best for her.   I’ve learned that what works best for me is to sit with a group of trusted friends, take a deep breath, pray and remember that Proverbs 21:23 where it says “Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.” Nothing good can come from me engaging with a fan. It’s better for me and better for my coach to keep my game face in place and bite my tongue.

So on Friday nights you’ll find me pulling into the parking lot, taking a deep breath and putting on my game face. I love my coach. I love my team. I’ll be there to cheer them on no matter what the score and no matter what the fans have to say.

Cheering you on,
Laurel

The Not So Simple Homecoming Mum

I’m not sure when it happened but sometime between 1987 and 2014 Homecoming Mums ran out of control.  If you’re not from Texas Homecoming Mums are hard to comprehend.  If you are from Texas every year that passes mums become harder and harder to comprehend. I thought maybe that it was just that I was becoming out of touch or that maybe I had grown too old to get it but as I sat in the stands last night with my fellow coaches’ wives I found that I’m not alone in my thoughts and confusion.

Mums are no longer just mums. They are no longer a simple corsage or a large flower with a few ribbons and streamers.  Mums now have become the size of billboards and involve lights, boas, bells, whistles, regular sized stuffed animals and more tinsel than you would find on a standard sized Christmas tree. There are now rules about what colors each class can have and how many of each certain item should or should not be on the mum. I jokingly asked our team chiropractor tonight if he had ever considered sponsoring homecoming.  The size of these things has got to make your back and neck feel miserable after hauling them around all day. Gone are the days when a simple corsage pin or two would work to hold your mum on your dress.  Now girls have to practically wear a harness around their neck and most likely need to work out in order to wear them. They have become so large that even when grown men put them on to see what the fuss is about they are amazed at the weight of them.

My fellow coaches’ wives and I pretty much lost focus on the game and became fascinated with what we saw. It became a game to see who could spot the biggest and the brightest. We started tallying up the price tags of the mums and figured that if we stalked up on after Christmas sale items like bows, ribbons, lights, etc. that we could start our own side business and finance vacations for all of us next year.  One wife had spotted a mum in the local grocery store that was on sale from its original $500 price and cut to $300.  You have got to be kidding me!  I realize that things are the same as they were in 1987 when I graduated high school but at that point in time $40 was a ridiculous amount to spend on a mum.  Now you want $500 for a mum?  Come on!  Where does this end? It would be one thing if this was something you were going to use again or wear again but all this for just one day at school and one night at a football game I think just seems a bit over the top. 

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the garters!  What the boys are wearing these days on their arms are larger than the mums were that we had in high school and those cost twice as much as well. 

 

I wonder if you could start a resale shop or even a rent a mum business?   Think about it. You could just swap out the ribbon with your name on it and maybe a couple of the accessories. You wear it for the day and then turn it back in after the game. You save money and you have your pictures for memories and one less thing taking up space and collecting dust in your room.  It saves your bank account and it saves the stress of all those poor moms having to run around town to gather all of the items needed to make the mum and then actual stress of putting it together or finding a crafty friend to help with the major undertaking that is mum making.

If my thoughts and observations on this subject offend you, I’m sorry.  I’m not judging you or your mum. I actually helped make a mum this year and it was pretty impressive if I do say so myself. I’m just simply amazed that a simple corsage has evolved into such a major production and financial commitment. I’m just wondering when enough is enough and it becomes too much. If you need me, I’ll be off contemplating my idea of a mum resale shop.

Cheering you on!
Laurel 

(all pictures were taken from the internet and are not actual mums from our school)

Pink Out!

Wednesday kicks off Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  For me, it’s a very important month.  My mother, her sister Jane, their Aunt Did, and their cousin have all breast cancer survivors.. This summer my mother-in-law joined their ranks as a survivor. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime.

I work  for  Susan G. Komen so that we can find a cure for breast cancer and so that hopefully my cousins and their children won’t have to experience the fight that my family members have had to experience. When I started at Komen over fifteen years ago I was fighting for my mother and my aunts.  Now that I’m older I’m seeing that it’s my friends that are now battling this disease.  A year ago my sweet friend Joy was diagnosed and I walked through her fight with her.  I’m so happy to say that she came out of the fight just as fierce as she went into it. 

By working for Komen I’ve had the honor of working alongside some of our fabulous volunteers and staff members.To me they became more than volunteers and staff they became friends. My list of survivor friends has become far too long to list (which is a fabulous thing)  But, where the fight has become all too real because it’s here that I’ve lost some friends to breast cancer. The fiends I have lost have all been close to my age and that makes the fight take on an entire different meaning for me.  I long for the day when I no longer have to see the faces of the children, husbands, partners and friends and think about the fact that we didn’t win the fight soon enough to save their loved ones.

We are winning the battles though.  Since I first started at Komen I’ve seen advances in drugs and treatments that are now helping women to win their fight. Drugs like Herceptin and Tamoxifen weren’t around fifteen years ago and thanks to fundraising and research they are now available. Targeted treatments through radiation and chemotherapy are advancing each day. We are winning the battle because if caught early and confined to the breast, there is now a 99% survival rate. 

By being the wife of a coach I love that my two worlds of work and home can collide in October. I’m thrilled to see football teams have pink out games. I’m humbled when our players ask me for pink ribbons or pink bracelets and wear pink tape. They ask me if they could wear them to honor me and my family and the other families that have been affected by breast cancer. I’m ecstatic when I walk into the gym on a Tuesday night and see our volleyball team participating in Dig for the Cure. I’m in awe each year when the girls tell me how much money they have raised for the fight against breast cancer.  I love that these teenagers are engaging in the fight at such an early age and that they are aware of this disease and how it can destroy families.  They too want to end this thing forever.  I go to work every day to fight for them.

Raising money is important and we can’t win the fight without it but another important thing that you can do is to take charge of your own health.  Talk to your doctor about when you should start clinical breast exams and mammograms.  Become aware of your breast health and know what’s normal for you. The minute something isn’t normal for you, run don’t walk to your doctor and get an opinion from your doctor. If you don’t like what you hear or still feel unsettled – get a second opinion.  It’s your health.  TAKE CHARGE!

Whether you love all the pink that you see in October or not; whether you love Susan G. Komen or not, I encourage you to take charge of your breast health and remember that fighting breast cancer is one thing that you can control for your life.  Do it for you. Do it for your family. Do it for your friends.  Schedule your appointment with your doctor and if you’re over 40 schedule your mammogram today.

Until we win this fight. I promise to keep fighting for you and for my family.  Let’s end breast cancer!

Cheering you on (all the way to get your mammogram)

Laurel

Faith, Family, Football. We Say it, but do We Mean it?

Between the NFL and the NCAA this week my heart is broken.  My heart breaks every time there is a new story in the news about a player beating his wife or girlfriend or a story about an influential player using derogatory language about women.  Then the news cycle continues about what his punishment should be and how it should be enforced.  Comments are then made about whether or not the player in question should play or be suspended. More comments are made about whether the suspension should include allowing the player to be on the sideline or at the game at all.  The commentary goes on and on. 

In all of this my question is where did things first go wrong for the athlete? Did a parent or coach or coach’s wife pass on the opportunity to guide the player towards Christ? Psalm 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Are we training these young men in the ways of the Lord?  Are we constantly pouring into them the way many of our parents poured into us?  How many times have we heard the phrase “Faith, Family, Football.”? How many of us actually put those words into practice with our athletes?

Growing up in my home scripture was a constant part of our day to day life.  There was scripture in the joyous times. There was scripture when things weren’t going according to plan. The scripture I seem to remember the most though was the scripture my mother whispered softly when I was in trouble.  The quieter she spoke and the more scripture she quoted equated to the amount of trouble was coming my way.  My mother always told me that the Lord entrusted her and my father to raise me and that she wasn’t going to stand there on Judgment Day and have to explain away her lack of action, discipline and guidance. 

For coaches and their wives who are believers, I think it’s imperative for us to remember that the Lord entrusted us with these athletes.  We need to keep in mind that one day we will stand before the throne and answer for the role we played in growing the faith of those young men. I know that there is a fine line in public schools about what we can and can’t say about our faith but I also know that the Lord will open the doors and paths to say the things that need to be said when they need to be said. My coach and I are blessed that we are in a community where we can whisper and even outright proclaim the scriptures. We also make sure those scriptures are spoken in our home when our boys are over for family dinner. I’ve been given many opportunities where I can whisper those scriptures to students that my mother once whispered to me.

If we are going to preach to them Faith, Family, Football then we need make sure that we are at the ready to train them in the ways that they should go so that they will not depart from it.  We need to make sure that their faith and actions are as strong as their athletic abilities so that when they step on the college and/or NFL stage that they are not the ones in the news for domestic violence or for derogatory actions or words. It’s up to us to make sure that they are showing the world that athletes have learned the true meaning of Faith, Family, Football and what that phrase should truly mean.  Practice what you preach and teach them well.  

Cheering you on,
Laurel

Utilize the Gifts of Your Coaches Wives

The beauty of a coaching staff is that everyone brings something unique and special talent to the table. The same holds true with the wives of the coaches.  Each wife brings with her the special talents and gifts and yes, spiritual gifts as well.  It’s important that those gifts are recognized by the other wives and then utilized for the greater good of the staff.  I Corinthians 12 4-6 says: “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. “

I was once part of staff where the wife of the head coach had a gift for recognizing those talents and then empowering each wife to use her talent in a way that benefited not only the wives but their coaches as well. Jan had the gift of watching and recognizing the gifts of the other wives and then she gave us the gift of empowering us to use those gifts.  With each wife being empowered to let their talent shine we grew closer as a unit and worked as one and by working as one were a greater asset to our husbands and to the team.

Jan immediately saw that Lisa was clearly the prayer warrior of the group.  She always made it a point to ask her to lead us in prayer, and pray for specific things for our families, our coaches and our players.  We all knew that when we needed prayer, that we could turn to Lisa and engage her to pray with us and for us.

Courtney had the clear gift of encouragement.  I remember when Jan introduced her to the staff as the cheerleader and chief encourager and we found her to be just that. You could count on Courtney to arrive in the stands with her signs and noise makers and she was always ready to get the group pumped up. You could also count on a quiet word of encouragement when she saw that you needed it and then to have special notes in the mail at just the right moment.

Jan recognized that I had the gift of organizing and she enabled me to use that gift. My first encounter with Jan was at a function where she saw me in my element of organizing and problem solving about four things all at the same time. She quietly sat back and watched me do my thing. The next week when I was introduced to the staff, I was declared the organizer and the doer. If she needed something planned or details to be worked out she simply would turn and ask and then send me into action. 

There were ten wives on that staff and each had a role and responsibility. Some were subtle and never outright mentioned as a whole to the group but we all learned to recognize those gifts and we were all empowered to use those gifts.  Seeing those gifts in each of us and encouraging us to use them was one of the greatest gifts Jan could have ever given us. It was also a gift to her as she knew that by empowering each of us to do what we did best she in turn could focus on her talents and gifts and not have to try be all things to all people. She had a staff of wives that she could lean on and support her in what she needed as well.

Whether you are the head coach’s wife or the wife of an assistant, I encourage you to stop and observe the wives around you.  Look for their special gift and then encourage them to use that gift.  It will strengthen them and it will strengthen you and the entire staff.

Cheering you on!
Laurel